Delusional...

How is it that some people will believe something that is so far off the mark it makes them look crazy?

They can talk themselves into believing something they KNOW is not true just because it makes them feel better about themselves and their messed up logic?

Normally it wouldn't bother me but it's on my heart tonight because it's effecting someone I care about... Someone who has tried so hard to do the right thing and has only been punished for their efforts...

Well, guess what! His heart is breaking because of the mess THEY'VE made...

It's just so easy for them to make him the bad guy when in reality, it's them who have done everything in their power to make him LOOK like the bad guy... He's the GOOD guy here!!! He's done every thing he could to do the right thing.... But nothing is ever good enough for them....

Just so frustrated with them right now!!!

Zoo Party

I just ordered the cake for Kayden's birthday party this weekend... she is super excited about her party at the Zoo... according to one of her teachers, when she talks about it, her face lights up and she talks all fast and excited... :-)

I did a big party for her first and a small family party for her second... this year we're doing another big one... I don't think I could handle a big one every year...

We got portraits taken recently:




My little booger is growing up so fast....

Apricots

My parents keep a stash of dried apricots on their counter... the primary use is dog treats, but my dad and my child eat them, too...

Over the weekend, we had lunch at my folks' house and after we ate, Kayden asked my dad for an apricot...

Kayden: Can I have a apricot, please, Papa?
Grandpa: Only if I can get a kiss....
Kayden: (turning to me) Mommy, can I please have a apricot?

(The whole table bursts out laughing.)

Mommy: Give your grandpa a kiss...
Kayden: (obediently kisses Grandpa) Can I have 2 apricots, now?

(More laughter...)

She is SO stinkin' smart!

(We ARE working on proper English, BTW: "MAY I please..." and "AN apricot..." but we still have some work to do...)

New Love?

Shortly after I filed for divorce, I requested several friends on Facebook who I had previously removed or denied out of respect for my husband...

With the ones who accepted, I exchanged the typical pleasantries and complements on their children, etc and then they faded into the FB background, only to pop up sporadically with random updates and/or pictures.

One of those friends was Mike... It just so happened that he was in the middle of some legal issues, too, so we vented our legal frustrations to each other and renewed a friendship that had been dormant since we were 14 years old...

As time passed, it was clear that our feelings for each other were starting to deepen past the friendship point. My divorce was not yet final so I made it very clear to him that if at any point before the judge signed the papers my husband had a change of heart and chose to do the things necessary to repair our broken marriage, our friendship would have to end as my priority was to my family first. He was very understanding and incredibly supportive... he chose to stick it out, knowing that the possibility of never speaking to me again was there...

The divorce did go through and he was there to comfort me and help me heal in any way I needed... we talked for hours about our past relationships and things we liked and didn't like... we discussed our mistakes and short-comings and talked about how we would do things differently if we were put in the same position again... we talked about our plans and dreams for the future and about our goals and things we'd like to see happen for our children (he has a daughter as well)...

And it just keeps getting better... He has become my best friend... there are no secrets or hidden feelings... we never argue, but discuss our differences of opinion with open-minded respect... we can agree to disagree and still respect each other when we don't see eye to eye... We are a real team when it comes to anything, from making dinner, to cleaning up after... He'll play with Kayden or read her a book so I can chat with a friend and she just adores him... I think his daughter, Kelsey, is great, and he happily steps back and lets me help with the teenage girly things with her...

It's funny how life plays out sometimes... I never, in a million years, thought I'd be dating my 8th grade boyfriend again... but I am excited and optimistic about what the future has in store for us...

Goals & Healing

I am an on/off smoker... I smoked through part of college and grad school and quit about a year after I got married... I would bum the occational one while out with friends but quit doing that about 3 months before we started trying for Kayden...

I started again last June when my husband and I separated... when he moved back in, I quit again... and started up again in December when I filed for divorce...

This is a year of healing for me... Part of that healing involves completing a goal of mine from several years ago... which happened to require me to quit smoking at the beginning of April when I started training...

I am currently training for a half marathon that is taking place on October 20... I know I can do it as I've walked further than that before... but I really want to get back into running and I figure the only way to keep myself motivated is to aim high.

I am training on a walk 1/run 2-3 minute schedule as of now... some days are better than others but I know I'm improving... and while I'd like to run the whole distance, I am realistic and know it may be a walk/run interval kind of day...

I'm totally going to ROCK that 13.1 sticker on the back of my car, though ;-)

Mouths Of Babes

When I get frustrated with a whiney, uncooperative Kayden (almost 3), I tend to say things like "I'm gonna put you on the porch!" or "I'm gonna throw you out the window!" and then turn and walk away... It's not anything I'd EVER do, only a way to blow off steam...

Last night, we were having a hard time... Kayden was upset that her bandaid got wet but didn't want another one, then said she had to go potty but refused to walk to the bathroom because it would mess up her bandaid even more...

Mommy: I'm gonna throw you out the window!
(Paused, then tried to pick her up to carry her to the bathroom so she could go potty.)
Kayden: NO! Don't throw me out the window!!!
Mommy: (I burst out laughing) Baby, I'd never really throw you out the window!
Kayden: (Laughed, too, because Mommy was laughing so hard)

********************

A few weeks ago, we were riding in the car when we came to a stop light. I reached back and grabbed her foot...

Mommy: I love you, Toes!
Kayden: Mommy! Don't touch my toes! They're DANGEROUS!

(Where does she get this stuff?!?!)

Where Have I Been?

It's been several months since my last post... and looking over my history the past couple years, it seems I take a break during the fall/winter months...

Sorry, a lot is going on in our little family...

I filed for divorce... Someday I'll tell the whole story, but for now, it's just not worth the drama... My heart is broken yet the overwhelming feeling of relief is refreshing after the last year of stress and worry and anxiety... I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest...

We are both currently staying in the house, but with his work and activity schedule, he's only there when he sleeps or is spending time with Kayden so we avoid each other most of the time.

Despite being sad that my marriage is over, I am very much at peace with my decision and am looking forward to what the future holds. I know God has a plan for me and I am excited to learn what that plan is.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support.