New Love?

Shortly after I filed for divorce, I requested several friends on Facebook who I had previously removed or denied out of respect for my husband...

With the ones who accepted, I exchanged the typical pleasantries and complements on their children, etc and then they faded into the FB background, only to pop up sporadically with random updates and/or pictures.

One of those friends was Mike... It just so happened that he was in the middle of some legal issues, too, so we vented our legal frustrations to each other and renewed a friendship that had been dormant since we were 14 years old...

As time passed, it was clear that our feelings for each other were starting to deepen past the friendship point. My divorce was not yet final so I made it very clear to him that if at any point before the judge signed the papers my husband had a change of heart and chose to do the things necessary to repair our broken marriage, our friendship would have to end as my priority was to my family first. He was very understanding and incredibly supportive... he chose to stick it out, knowing that the possibility of never speaking to me again was there...

The divorce did go through and he was there to comfort me and help me heal in any way I needed... we talked for hours about our past relationships and things we liked and didn't like... we discussed our mistakes and short-comings and talked about how we would do things differently if we were put in the same position again... we talked about our plans and dreams for the future and about our goals and things we'd like to see happen for our children (he has a daughter as well)...

And it just keeps getting better... He has become my best friend... there are no secrets or hidden feelings... we never argue, but discuss our differences of opinion with open-minded respect... we can agree to disagree and still respect each other when we don't see eye to eye... We are a real team when it comes to anything, from making dinner, to cleaning up after... He'll play with Kayden or read her a book so I can chat with a friend and she just adores him... I think his daughter, Kelsey, is great, and he happily steps back and lets me help with the teenage girly things with her...

It's funny how life plays out sometimes... I never, in a million years, thought I'd be dating my 8th grade boyfriend again... but I am excited and optimistic about what the future has in store for us...

Birth Story

I checked into the hospital at 5 pm on September 15th, 2009 to start the induction.

To induce, there are a couple of things they had to do. First, my cervix was completely closed and hard... no dilation, no effacement... so they had to soften it up before they gave me the drug to really start labor. There are 2 drugs they can use. The first one, Cervadil, is what I had been told to ask for. The other one, Cytotec, is not meant to be used for inducing labor and it has a lot of serious risks involved.

After the cervix is "ripened" they use a drug called Pitocin to make the uterus contract and eventually push the baby out. I hated the thought of using this. Natural contractions slowly build, plateau, then slowly release. Contractions with Pit are all or nothing, hard and strong throughout. I wanted to do this drug free and the thought of relaxing and breathing through punching contractions was daunting. My hope was that once my cervix had softened, my body would go into labor naturally and I could avoid the Pitocin all together.

My OB wanted to use Cytotec from the very beginning. I told her I was not comfortable with that and wanted Cervadil instead. She advised me against this and told me that in her experience the Cervadil didn't always work and she had much better luck with the Cytotec. I told her I still wanted to try the Cervadil and she agreed to start with that and see what happened.

At 6 pm, the Cervadil was placed.

I cramped all night with small contractions on top of the constant cramping. It was very uncomfortable and my back really started to hurt as well. I found out later the night nurse forgot to put the mattress on the bed so I had been on the hard delivery surface all night... thanks a lot!!!

The next morning, my OB came to check me to see how my cervix was doing... I thought for sure it was softened and I had made some sort of progress after how uncomfortable I had been. Nope... still rock hard and completely closed.

My options were to try the Cytotec and see what happens or try the Pit. My OB said in her experience, Pit contractions against an unripened cervix didn't do a whole lot. Either I would contract for the day, not progress and have to do it all again the next night and day or my water would break, still not progress, and end up with a c-section (CS).

I chose to talk it over with my doula to see what she thought. She did a bit of research and found an example of a mom who did a night of Cerv, a day of Pit, a night of Cerv, a day of Pit with no change... then on the 3rd night she did Cytotec and her body was thrown into natural labor and she didn't have to do any more Pit. She naturally delivered the next day.

So, I decided to go for the Cytotec that day with the hopes of going into labor and avoiding the Pitocin entirely. AND IT WORKED!!! I got a dose at 10am, 1pm, 4pm and 7pm... when the nurse came in at 10pm to give me my next dose, she could tell I was already laboring and didn't need anymore.

My husband didn't get there until around 7pm... he had worked that day and came to the hospital after he had showered... and my mom had been with me all day and was very helpful. Since I already had someone there supporting me, I put off calling my doula to come to the hospital because she has 2 young kiddos and I wanted her to be able to put them to bed before she came...

The rest of the story is pieced together from what I remember and what the doula told me...

According to my doula, I called her at 8pm to tell her that my contractions were increasing in intensity. I told her I didn't know if they were doing anything or not, but apparently I had to stop and breathe through a contraction while we were on the phone. She was there by 9:30pm.

At 10pm, the nurse came in with the dose of Cytotec... even though I was only dilated to a 1 (maybe), the contractions were increasing in such a way that the nurses thought that the Cytotec had kicked me into labor. They decided to wait before giving me another dose. My contractions were 2-3 minutes apart by then. Even though I was barely dilated, my cervix had softened. We sent my husband home around 10pm because we thought it was still going to be a while and we wanted him to get some rest...

I labored until midnight on a birthing ball and bending over the bed... I breathed, swayed and moaned through my contractions. I remember thinking that I wasn't sure if I could do this for another 12 hours and I remember the folks in the room laughing with me as I chastised myself for going with out pain meds... I said things like "I am an idiot!" and "What was I thinking?"

Then they checked me a little after midnight: I was at a 5! That was 4 cm in 2 hours!!! According to my doula, I got another surge of energy and resolve at this point because I knew the contractions were making progress. My mom called my husband to tell him that this baby might be born sooner than we had anticipated. Then I labored in the tub for a while which my doula said seemed to help me relax.

A little after 1am I got back on the ball again. My doula said I seemed to really follow my body and would rise up off of the ball during contractions, lean over the bed, and sway my hips. She said I was definitely in the labor "zone."

Although I didn't really want to know how far I was dilated my doula said she was pretty sure she heard the nurse mumble 7 around 2am. By this time, my husband had returned and was really in the thick of things with me. I sat at the bottom of the bed and he sat on a chair on front of me. During contractions I would stand up, bend forward and lean into him... I remember us locking arms and him supporting my weight as I pushed forward against him... I remember being very pleasantly surprised by this since he had told me very early on in my pregnancy that he didn't think he would be able to handle being in there.

Between 2 and 5am, labor progressed. My doula said it was a hard for her to follow the usual cues that tell her where a woman is in the labor process:

"You were doing so incredibly well at one point I thought, 'this seems like it could be transition, but it just can't be transition because she is doing so well!' And the contractions didn't seem to follow quite as much one-on-top-of-the-other pattern as often happens in transition, because they were 2-4 minutes apart."

Just before 5am, I started to feel like pushing. I still didn't know how far I was dilated... I just knew my body was pushing... according to my doula, from the sounds I was making and what I was doing during contractions, that I was pushing. But when the nurse checked me she would say, "Do you want to know?" and I kept saying "no." The nurse would say, "Well, you can't push quite yet."

Several hours later we learned that there was a lip of cervix that was still in the way. The doctor came in and pushed the lip up over the baby's head while I pushed(which was excruciating) in hopes that we could push the baby's head around it and get it out of the way... but when the nurse came back, the lip had returned.

This repeated 3 or 4 times, I don't quite remember... it was awful... I had to lay on my back while they did it which is the most uncomfortable position to labor in... I don't know how women do it...

The nurse told us that the baby was bigger than they thought and that her head was slightly tilted. The doctor told us that I could push for another hour or so but if the baby's head didn't straighten out and start to move down that we could be looking at a CS.

An hour later the baby hadn't descended anymore, so I agreed to do the CS... I had been pushing for over 5 hours at that point (only a little over 2 hours by the nurses notes) but I felt horrible, like I was giving up and that I didn't try hard enough... I cried a little at this point and asked my husband if he would go with me... He agreed which surprised me again because I knew how squeamish he was.

Although we had agreed on a name, it wasn't my top choice and I used the opportunity to try to persuade him into letting me have the name I really wanted... he said no and my mom about threw a fit... his mom stepped in and asked me if I really thought I would be able to change his mind... I said with a half smile "No, but I had to give it a shot."

They wheeled me back to the OR and I had a few more contractions before the spinal took effect... that really sucked because I knew all that pain was for nothing at that point...

As they were prepping me, I saw the neonatologist come in... the baby had never been in any distress so it concerned me a bit that they had called her in...

The Dr talked me though everything she was doing and said that the baby was really wedged down far (NO SHIT!!! I had just pushed for 5 hours!!!) and that she really had to pry her out...

And then there was a small blue foot dangling above my head... they whisked her away to the other side of the room to clean her up and my husband followed... I remember it seemed like forever before she cried... I asked about her APGAR scores (google it if you want to know more) and the nurse said it hadn't been long enough yet... I saw the neo leave the room so I knew that was a good sign... then the nurse came over and told me her scores were 8 and 9 at 1 and 5 minutes (really good).

She also told me the baby was a lot smaller than they thought but that her head was completely sideways and she would never have come on on her own... if I had kept trying, I could have really hurt her... Although both my husband and the nurse told me her cone head came straight out over her ear, I never noticed it... even in the pictures of the nurse pointing it out I didn't see what they were talking about.

After they cleaned her up, my husband brought her to me... my first glimpse of her face she had her tongue out... funny little thing... I looked back up at him and I saw him rub his eye... I thought he was just really tired but I found out later he was wiping away a tear...

I remember feeling so tired and wishing they would hurry and put me back together so we could go back to the room... I wanted to nurse her right away, something I couldn't do in the OR.

My husband had disappeared and I was a bit worried about him... it turns out Mr. Afraid-of-needles-and-blood was watching the Dr put me back together... he told me later my insides looked like raw steaks :-)

We finally got back to the room and I immediately put her skin-to-skin and nursed her... I remember looking up at my husband and actually seeing a tear fall... I asked him if he was okay. He said he was just glad it was over... that there were just too many things that could go wrong...

Then he watched her nurse... He was so surprised that she already knew what to do :-)

So after 41 hours of labor (only 15 hours of it was hard labor) with 5 of the hours pushing, my little girl joined us at 10:59 am on September 17th, 2009... And with the exception of the spinal right before my CS, it was completely natural... no pain meds... and if I had the chance to do it again, knowing what the outcome would be, I would still choose to labor naturally...

Introducing....

Kayden Kaetana
9/17/2009
7 lbs 4 1/4 oz
19 1/2 inches

Just When I Thought I Was Really Losing My Mind...

One afternoon as I was heading home, I saw a giant globe on the side of the highway...

Now I know pregnancy does things to your memory, dexterity, and balance, but I hadn't heard anything about hallucinations... so I continued on my way and tried to forget about it...

Then, a few mornings later, I saw it again further up the highway... so I took a quick pic with my phone so I would have evidence of my vision:


I could not imagine what it was or why it had traveled so much further down the highway...

As I was headed home that same afternoon, I saw it again, and again, it had traveled a ways down the highway, but this time there was a man standing next to it so I turned around so I could get the story:


Turns out, the guy, along with his dog, is walking half way across the US to raise awareness for diabetes and he is rolling the world with him. He lost his mom to complications due to the disease when he was pretty young but his uncle has been living with it for 40 years. In honor of his uncle's upcoming birthday, he is going to climb Pike's Peak, rolling the world the whole way...

I chatted with him for a bit and gave him all the cash I had (like $4 or something pitiful) then I headed on my way...

The next morning, I actually saw him walking and rolling his world right along in front of him... What an inspiration!!!!

Please check him out at www.worldguy.org (notice the pic I took shows the actual size of the globe, where the pic on his site does not do it justice...)

Fairy Tale

I mentioned a few posts ago that although I knew my husband from high school, we had never dated. Today I will tell the story.

I was a sophomore. It was fall and I had just ended a year long relationship with a boy who emotionally abused me. I was one of the smart kids who clung to the fringes of the "in" crowd by my fingernails. Although I was not a part of it, I had a friend or two who were part of that longed-for clique.

Shortly after the school year began, I crossed paths with the dreamiest boy I had ever seen in real life. Blonde, blue eyes, and a crooked, mischievous smile that could melt even the coolest of hearts. He was a senior, on the football team, and he was a part of the "in" crowd.

I asked around and learned he was dating a girl I had despised since 6th grade (very stuck up without the looks to back her up) and I could not believe it. She was the younger sister of one of the boys in the "in" crowd although she herself was on the fringes with me. I never in a million years would have believed I had a chance with the popular guy so I just admired him from afar.

Early that winter, I found out he was going to play baseball on our high school team. The team was in need of a score keeper so I jumped at the chance to be close to him even if he didn't know I existed.

That spring during one of the games, I started chatting with a guy who was more my league and we ended up dating of and on for the next 3 years. He knew I had a crush on the other guy but he, like myself, never thought anything would come of it.

Early that summer, I got a job at a local pizza place as a hostess. And to my surprise, my crush was working in the kitchen! So I found reasons to talk to him when ever I could. Still never believing anything would ever happen between us. We became the "co-worker" friends who speak and get along well on the job but never speak outside of work. Eventually, he moved on and so did I.

Over the next 7 years, we ran into each other twice. Both times, he was with a girl, but both times he said "hi" and we made small talk for a few minutes before moving on.

Then, in late 2001, I ran into him again. It was the Saturday before Christmas. I had been out dancing the night before and had stayed with a friend because I had too much to drink. When I woke up and was headed home the next morning, my friend called me and begged me to bring her some food. She was working at a jewelery store at a mall on that side of town and they were too busy for her to take a lunch. So my hair plastered to my skull (due to the cowboy hat I wore and sweated profusely in the night before), raccoon eyes, glittery club shirt and all I headed to her rescue. Although I very clearly had not made it home from the night before, I was on the other side of town and did not think I would run into anyone I knew.

I was not 10 steps into the mall when I noticed my high school crush walking toward me. I knew I looked like hell but there was no way I was going to pass up a chance to say "hi". He was polite and friendly and walked with me to the place my friend was working. He was just as dreamy then as he had been when we were in school.

We walked back to the entrance chatting and then he walked me to my car. I gave him my number, never thinking I would hear from him again. We said our "good-byes" and I left.

He called the next day. We went to a movie and then to dinner. We talked about all kinds of stuff and had a really good time. Our second date was the Christmas Eve service at my parents' church. As we walked in, he confessed, "I haven't been to church in a long time. I hope the building doesn't fall down."

Two months later we were looking at rings. Two months after that, we were engaged. A year later, 4 days after my oral exam for my Master's Degree, we were married.

That was 5 1/2 years ago. This Christmas we will have been together 7 years... we will be married 6 years in May.

He still doesn't believe that I had a crush on him. A few years ago, we were tailgating at a college football game with my mom and baby brother (BB). BB asked how we got together so I told him the story. My mom overheard. Shocked, she said to my husband, "You were why she joined the baseball team? I knew there was a boy involved but I never knew who!"

The Family Dynamic

I tend to talk a lot about my family so I thought I would give those of you who don't know me a little background.

I have been married for about 5 1/2 years. Although I knew my husband when we were in high school, we never dated. But that's a story for another post so I'll just say that we are 2 years apart in age and were married when we were 26 and 28 years old.

For those of you who do not know, my baby brother (BB) is 22 and is a Marine serving in Iraq. I will refer to him as my BB for the duration of this blog due to the fact that I also have a little brother (LB) who is between us in age. He is married and he and his wife are expecting their first child in March. They live in a city about an hour away from the home we grew up in, and where our parents still live.

Growing up, we had a charmed existence. Dad worked, Mom stayed home, and Nani (our paternal grandmother) lived with us. So we were a 2 income family in a 3 parent home. Nani worked at a restaurant in the evenings so my parents had time to themselves after dinner before us kiddos came along.

We recently lost Nani. She passed away on Mother's Day this year. That's also a story for another post.

My folks still live in the house we grew up in. Mom is slowly going through things, though. She is preparing for the day when they do decide to put the house on the market, which I can foresee happening in the next few years.

My husband's family also lives fairly close. His grandmother lives pretty close to my parents. His mom and step dad live about halfway between us and my parents. It's really nice having everyone so close. We are very lucky.

I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve such a great family. My folks, although we have our differences, are very supportive and sacrificed a lot for me. My in-laws are almost too good to be true. I enjoy the holidays with my side of the family playing cards and board games together. And I am content hanging out with my MIL doing a puzzle or just watching the dogs play.

I may not know why I have been so blessed but I make sure I thank God for these blessings every time I pray.

The Story of Geronimo

It's not the "Geronimo" you may think it is.

My inlaws adopted another dog. They have Bandit and Taz already. But when they heard about Geronimo, they decided to take him in. Have I mentioned how awsome my inlaws are? I am very blessed...



Anyway, back to Geronimo's story:

When my husband and I were trying to decide who would crop Bailey's ears, we wanted to see some of the work the vets did before we made the final call. My husband happend to know someone who had their dog's ears done recently. So we went by the guy's house to check out the work.

The guy had 3 boxers: a male, a female, and Geronimo, a puppy that his son had kept from a litter the male and female had had about a year ago (this was the dog with the recently cropped ears). Apparently, the kid never paid the dog any attention and guy just took care of it with the other 2 dogs. All 3 were kept in separate crates in an enclosed garage at the guy's home. They were let out various times throughout the day to play and go potty. The 2 older dogs seemed content with this. The puppy, Geronimo, however, did not seem quite as content. We could tell all he wanted was to play and jump and run and that just wasn't happening as much as it should. The guy told us he felt bad that he could not give the pup more attention and that his son neglected him so. We left feeling sad for the dog but pleased with the work done on his ears.

We told my MIL about the puppy and how much he just wanted to play and how bad the guy seemed to feel. We thought if we could find a good home for him, the guy would probably give him up.



Now, Bandit is getting older and is not really all that playful anymore and Taz is not quite 2 yet and wants to play all the time. My inlaws live on a couple of acres and have plenty of space for big dogs to run and play. So my inlaws decided to take Geronimo; good for Taz, good for Geronimo....



"G-mo" or "Mo" (as we have been calling him) has lost so much weight from all the running, my MIL was kinda worried. She told me she feeds him as much as he wants but he still slimmed down a lot from all the running, and he wasn't overweight to begin with....



So now they have 3 dogs. And Bailey loves to go over to play.

At School And At Play

She is getting so big!

At my parent's house on the 16th, our play-date with Max did not go too well. He wanted nothing to do with her.


When we got there, we went for a walk so that they met on neutral ground. Max was afraid of her because she was so bouncy and playful. He is a much more laid back dog. He is older, too. He was 2 or so when my family adopted him for my youngest brother's 16th birthday. He is now a 21-year-old marine currently serving in Iraq, so that would make Max about 7 or so.

By the time we left, Max was tolerating her just enough for her to walk past him without Max running away but not enough to let her touch him...

At the vet on the 18th, she weighed 28 lbs. We went to my MIL's after to play with Taz and Bandit:

Bandit wanted nothing to do with the tomfooleries.


Taz was as playful as ever.


I think Bailey knows who is playful and who isn't, though. She will walk up to Bandit and lick his face, then turn around and pounce on Taz. It is really very sweet how she shows Bandit such respect.

Puppy class was canceled on the 17th due to weather. When we got to class on the 24th, all our classmates were there:

Bella the Shih Tzu:


Garcia the Sheltie:


Gracie the Australian Shepard:


And Brutus the Neapolitan Mastiff:

At class, Bailey weighed in at 30.5 lbs. That's 2 1/2 lbs in 7 days!!! She is growing so fast!

She is learning fast, too. She already knows how to sit both with the verbal command and the hand signal. At class this week she learned "down" which is to lay down, and "settle" which is to shift her weight to the side from the "down" position. It is the first step toward rolling over. We also worked on "leave it" and, although she did better than I expected, it still needs a lot of work.

My in-laws have adopted another boxer. His name is Geronimo. I will try to have pics of the play-dates with Taz, Geronimo, Bandit, and Bailey for my next post.

Catch-Up

So the potty training is coming along. We still have a few accidents but we are getting there.

At our class last Sunday, Bailey weighed in at a wopping 25.3 lbs. She'll be checked again on Monday at the vet so I will be interested to see what she'd gained this week.

I think I've strained my back lifting her on to and off of the bed. I still take her out whenever I wake during the night to prevent accidents on the bed. She is not always thrilled about being woken up so I just grab her and carry her to the back door which is kinda far from our bedroom.

Last Saturday, Bailey and I spent the evening at my in-law's. My FIL and my husband went to a truck show while my MIL and I vegged out and watched a movie while the dogs played. Taz was pretty rough but Bailey gave back everything Taz brought on her... and if Taz stopped, Bailey instigated a new battle. She slept really well that night!

She will have her first visit to my parent's house on Saturday. They have Max, a 7-year-old beagle mix who was adopted from the Humane Society for my baby brother's 16th birthday. He is not the most dog-friendly, partly due to some horrible neighbors who had big, mean dogs who barked at him and partly because he pushed Gizmo a bit too far once and she snapped at him and got his tail. It was funny to see how scared he was of her considering he is easily at least 10 times her size.

Anyway, I hate that Max gets left behind when we have holiday functions which involve the in-laws and their dogs and such so I am determined to introduce him to Bailey while she is still about his size to get them socialized to one another.

I'll let you know how that goes... hopefully, I'll have picks of Taz, Max, and her classmates from puppy kindergarten for the next post.

Socializing

Bailey had her first play date on Saturday 2/2.

We visited Bella, a cocker-maltese-poodle mix who is about 1 1/2 years old. They are about the same size for now so it worked out well. They played a lot in the back yard and when they were inside, Bailey was very well behaved. She didn't have any accidents and didn't try to chew on anything. And she slept like a log that night.



At Bella's house, the step up to the deck from the yard is kinda big. If Bailey could get a running start, she could make it. But most of the time, Bella blocked her way. Not on purpose, though. She was just excited to have a puppy friend to play with.

So without even knowing she was doing it, Bella was the alpha dog for the day. Which is good considering Bailey was the alpha of her litter at the time we brought her home and she needed to learn that she would not always be the alpha in her canine relationships.

On Sunday 2/3, we had our first puppy class. She did very well considering she hadn't really been on a leash before. Some things were new, like making eye contact on command and the introduction/loading of the clicker. But there were a few things she could already do, like sit on command.

The other puppies in the class were playful and social with her. There was Garcia the Sheltie, Gracie the Austrailian Shepard, another Bella (a shih tzu), and Brutis, a 5-month-old, 60 lb Neopolitain Mastif, who had no idea how big he actually was.

The potty training is coming along. As long as we watch her close and take her out often, she does well. It's when we slack off or get distracted with house hold chores that she has accidents. At present, I am just happy when she goes outside or on her puppy pad. Hopefully as she grows, she will gain more bladder and bowel control so she can do both in one outing so we can reduce the amount of times we go out.

Getting To Know One Another

One of the fun things about Bailey is learning who she is. Her personality is starting to emerge and it can be quite entertaining and heartwarming.


She likes to cuddle. She will curl up in my lap and sleep so sound she snores. When my husband or I pick her up, she will put a paw on each shoulder (like a baby would wrap his arms around a parent) and lick our face a few times before she lays her head on one shoulder or the other. Very sweet.

She gets the hic-ups. I didn't know dogs could get the hick-ups. And when they come about varies. Sometimes it's after she eats, sometimes it's when we are playing, and sometimes when she's just laying there.

She taps us if she wants our attention. She lifts a paw and taps us with it until we attend to her. It's cute when it's my leg or arm. Not so much when I am asleep and it is my face or chest.

She also likes to bury her muzzle. She will lay in my lap and bury her face in the crook of my arm or knee if I am sitting cross-legged. Or between my neck and the pillow if I am laying down. It's really very cute.

She dreams... like the dog from Cinderella... legs flailing about and dream-barking and all.

She gets snippy when she is tired. She wants to cuddle with her human but wiggles and bites and fights it until she is too exhausted to do so any longer and passes out cold.

Then she sleeps so sound that I can do all kinds of things to her without objection... like bury her under the dryer-warm towels we use for her kennel.

She is fairly social. She allows almost anyone to pet her, which is good. She will be intimidating enough without needing to be guarded or suspicious. And I want her socialized with kiddos, too. God willing, someday we will have children and I want their friends to be able to come over without fear of our dog attacking if they are playing too rough with each other.

She did something the other day that brought tears to my eyes. In a previous post (Grief 12/2007), I mentioned that Gizmo used to wait for us to step out of the shower so she could lick the water off of our ankles. The other day, I got out of the shower and I heard Bailey whining (probably because I was the only one home and she could hear me but not find me). So I called her name and she found her way to the bathroom. And she proceded to lick the water off my knees (she's quite a bit taller that Giz was). I don't know if all dogs do this or what but Gizmo was the only dog I had that ever did that. I still miss her and my heart still aches. Bailey is helping to ease that ache but I know it will be there for a long time to come.

Hi, I'm Bailey!

This is Bailey. Do you think she has enough toys?

She won't be this size for long...

This is how she spent the majority of her first 72 hours with us. She would play hard for about 30-45 minutes then pass out cold for an hour or two... notice the tongue hanging out indicating the intense relaxation brought on by her "puppy coma." I never would have thought a dog could sleep so soundly... even if she was a baby...

Ready? Set...

As the day approaches for us to bring our new addition home, I am starting to get very nervous. I am excited about having a dog in the house again and about getting to know our new friend but I am a little scared, too.

Although my husband has, I have never owned a puppy before. I have had many dogs over the years but they were all older (2 or more years) when they were acquired. I have never experienced the house breaking or chewing or initial obedience training. I am counting on him to help a lot, but I am still on edge.

I am trying to be smart about this, though. I have been reading almost anything I can get my hands on about puppy care and training and I am going to enroll us in puppy kindergarten as soon as she has a name. (We've narrowed it down to 3 choices.)

I bought some chew toys, a rope bone, and a couple stuffed animals for her to play with. I also got some nice smelling dog shampoo and a "waterless" dog spray for when she has her ears done and can't have a bath for a while. I purchased a couple different grooming tools as well. We have a couple baby gates to keep her confined to the main level of our home for now (we only use our upstairs for storage and a spare bedroom anyway). We are using Gizmo's bowls for now while we look for a stand we like that raises the dishes off the ground. We have an assortment of collars and a leash that is good up to 110 lbs. The crate we ordered should be here by the 3rd and I am going on the 4th to buy food, treats, and a bed.

I think I have all my bases covered. Have I forgotten anything?

Hence The Title... Part 2

So with our beloved Gizmo gone, the house is quiet and lonely. My husband and I have very active yet separate schedules so we find ourselves at home alone a lot while the other of us is out with friends or working or participating in one of our many extracurricular activities.

I am uncomfortable now when I am home alone.... We have a large fish tank that contributes to a lot of background noise. So any little sound I hear makes me jumpy because I can't really tell what it is. With Gizmo around, we had the best watch dog in the world. If anyone tried to get into the house, she would let us know. Now, with the noise from the tank, I wouldn't know if someone was in the house until they were right behind me. It has gotten better lately... I am not quite as jumpy as I used to be, but I am still uncomfortable.

My husband noticed I was having issues right away. There where a few times when he would work late or run errands after work and I would keep calling him to find out when he would be home. If I was out and about, I would take as long as I could doing errands or visiting friends or helping out at church in order to let him beat me home. One day he confronted me... he wanted to know what was up. I couldn't give a straight answer. I finally said, "I just miss her so much." I told him about my concerns and he suggested we start looking for another dog. Not to take her place... no dog could... but to ease my fears and to make our house feel like a home again.

So began our search. The first hurdle was picking the breed. He wanted another Yorkie but I wanted a change. And deep down, I felt it was too soon... I didn't want to be comparing our new baby girl to the one we just lost... it wouldn't be fair to either of them. So we discussed and researched several possible breeds before deciding on a doberman pinscher.

Once we picked the breed, it was time to find a breeder. We made plans to visit many but we only made it to 2. The others we spoke to on the phone did not make us feel like they knew what they were doing or that they were serious breeders. One lady actually told me, "I am not a real breeder. We just love our dobes so much and sometimes they have babies." WTF? So we visited the 2 breeders who made me feel comfortable and that they knew what they were doing.

The first place was pretty good. The mom was on site and seemed to have a very good temperament. The puppies were clean and healthy and seemed to be well kept. We selected the one we wanted and told the guy we would let him know if this was the puppy we chose.

Before we visited the second place, I told the lady on the phone that we were not planning to purchase but that we were just visiting different breeders to get a feel of what there was to choose from in our area. She thanked me for my honesty and gave me directions. When we got there we were pretty impressed. Both parents were on site and had fairly good temperaments as far as we could tell. The puppies appeared healthy and well socialized with the family members.

While we played with the pups, the lady explained to us the differences between the colors (black & tan, "red", blue, and fawn) and why some were considered better than others (we already knew what the colors were but not the genetic pros and cons). She also told us what to look for when we did finally purchase a puppy with regards to papers and registration numbers, important questions to ask the breeder, etc. She spent over an hour educating us and we learned a lot. We picked out a black & tan and a "red" pup and told her we would let her know. We were not even 15 minutes away when I called her back and told her we wanted the "red" one.

So now we wait... "Red" will be 8 weeks old on January 7th and that is about when we will bring her home. My husband came bouncing into the kitchen last night and said with a smile, "I want my dog! I can't wait!" He is too cute... but I am just as excited :-)

We are currently discussing names...

Hence The Title... Part 1

So, why did I name this blog what I did? Because of a dog... well, actually, because of 2 dogs.


We'll start with Gizmo.


She belonged to my husband when he and I started dating. Before I met her and learned her name, he told me he had a dog. I knew my husband from high school and I knew he was a pretty masculine guy. So I figured he had a "guy's dog" like a doberman or a retriever of some kind. You know, a bigger dog. Then he told me she was a small dog. So I figured we were talking about a pit bull or a beagle or something about that size. Then I met her... all 3 pounds of her. She was the smallest, full grown dog I had ever seen.


Gizmo did not like anyone except my husband and his family. She was very protective and very apprehensive about new people coming into her home. My husband warned me of this before I met her. So, when I got there expecting a medium sized guard dog and I found a 3 pound Yorkie, I could not help but let my guard down. And to his surprise, she did, too. She was sitting in my lap within an hour of our first meeting. He told me dogs were great judges of character and that Gizmo did not like anyone... but she liked me so that must mean I was a pretty good person. We were shopping for rings less than 2 months later. Hence the title...


Gizmo was our baby. We've been married almost 5 years and for the last 3 years, people have been asking when we were going to start a family. When ever I was asked if I had any children, my reply was always, "I have a husband and a dog... they are all the kids I need." I knew we planned to have children some day. But I also knew it would be when we were ready, not when society or our friends and family deemed it time. And I was okay with that.


Then, our hearts were torn from our chests on November 9th, 2007. I returned from a run and found our baby girl lying motionless on the ground. I scooped her up and rushed her to the vet ER. She was still warm and I prayed there was some hope. But it was too late. Our "Little Miss" was gone and our hearts were broken.


Our house is too quiet and lonely...


(To Be Continued...)

Why I am even doing this...

I am a talker. Anyone who knows me knows that. And I always have a story to tell. Anyone who knows me knows that, too. And I tend to repeat any given story until everyone I know has heard it at least once. So I figured this might be a good way to tell my story once and be done with it.

For those of you who know me and happen to be characters in any of my stories, fear not! For I will not divulge any personal information (not even your real name) when telling my stories. I will remain as vague as possible regarding the names of people, places, and things in order to maintain a safe amount of privacy.

So Welcome! I hope you enjoy my ramblings :-)