Road Rage

I have horrible road rage. But I have been working on controlling my temper behind the wheel. So here goes:

Dear lady at the gas station:

I know sorting your mail is important to you, but there is a time and place more appropriate than in your car, beside the pump, after you're finished pumping gas, when there are lines at every other pump 2-3 cars deep.

Next time, please try to be courteous to those around you and separate the bills from the ads when you get home.


Dear gentleman in the 1st position in the left turn lane at the green light,

The line of ten cars behind you honking their horns are not trying to say "hello." In case you've forgotten, green means "go".

Next time please try to pay attention so that more than just your car can get through the intersection.


Dear lady in the same spot as the gentleman above,

Were you happy about being left in that position by the guy right before you? Those same horns are honking at you now. You are just asking for someone to attack your car with a baseball bat.

Next time, please forgive the guy who was in front of you and let the folks in line behind you through the light as well.


Dear lady in the monster car-boat,

You are lucky that my reflexes work faster than my thought processes. Seeing as you did not signal or check your blind spot before entering my lane with hardly an inch to spare, I should have just hit you instead of slamming on my breaks.

Next time, please signal and/or check your blind spot just in case it's me again because I could really use a new car.


Dear playboy in the vibrating clunker,

Not everyone in traffic wants to hear your music. If you are looking to impress people, a muffler and a new paint job would have been sufficient.

Please call me in 5 years so I can fit you with $4000 hearing aids which are not covered by health insurance.


Dear teenage boy with the buzz cut,

If you haven't noticed, you don't have much hair. So no matter how many times you run that large brush through it, it isn't going to look any different than when you rolled out of bed this morning.

Please remember that it is not safe to cross the street and brush you hair at the same time.


Dear Lord,

Thank you for supplying my needs for transportation. And for the patience you give me while driving in traffic so I don't snap and commit vehicular homicide.