Right On Cue

I promise I have not died and the birth story is coming...

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My child has such perfect timing it is scary... The first time I noticed it, we were watching a show on TV. There was a family of horrible singers on and shortly after they began to sing, she started to cry... it was hilarious!!!

The next time was when my mother-in-law (MIL) was at the house... Bailey was lying on the floor and my husband and MIL were sitting on the couch. MIL was holding Kayden when my husband smelled a horrible stench which could only have originated from the bowels of Bailey... the smell drifted along to MIL... all of a sudden, Kayden made a face and started to cry... I guess she didn't like the smell either :-)

But the best example of timing was on 12/15. Kayden was lying on her changing pad and was really talkative... so I grabbed the camera and started to video tape her... then she laughed....

I GOT HER FIRST LAUGH ON VIDEO!!!!!!!

For some reason it is not letting me upload the clip but here are some smiley pics that will just have to do:




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She is 3 months today... 14 lbs... time sure does fly...

My Child Is Gross & A Milestone

I can handle the dirty diapers and the spit-up but my adorable little daughter did the most disgusting thing ever the other day...



It is not uncommon for her to burp while nursing. She will pause her sucking and burp without even breaking her seal and letting go of my breast, then start sucking again...



The other day, though, she paused like she was going to burp... then proceeded to spit-up with out letting go, then continued feeding like nothing had happened while milk came running out of her nose, down my exposed breast, and onto my bra and undershirt...



SO GROSS!!!

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On October 19th, she rolled from front to back for the first time... I put her on the bathroom rug for some tummy time while I was getting ready for bed... I stepped out of the room for a moment to grab my pjs and when I returned she was on her back... I missed the whole thing :-(

The Road To Induction...

In addition to the 2 hour stay at the hospital in mid August (see the "Avoiding Bedrest" post), I spent a couple hours there in early September and then again a week or so after that due to my blood pressure (BP)...

The second stay was much like the first with my OB increasing my meds and things leveling out again. Then on Saturday September 12, things got complicated...

I had a couple of things going on that day: a 12 hour scrapbooking crop at my church and a good friend's baby shower... I went to the crop for a little bit them headed to the shower... I felt fine...

When I got back to the crop, my feet were pretty swollen and my BP was a bit elevated but nothing too horrible so I worked on a project that would be my gift to my husband for his birthday... when I was done, I checked my BP again and it had gone up. There is an area at the church that has nice leather couches so I went to lay down for a while. When I woke an hour later, by BP had actually gone up so I decided it was time to head home and rest...

On my way home, I decided to just go straight to the hospital... the last 2 times I had gone in, it had been at night when there was no one there I knew and the desk folks were kinda dumb... it was about 5pm so I figured I would go in, have nurses there I knew, and be home by 8 or 9 after everything came back normal just like it had the previous 2 times...

When I walked in, the looks on the nurses' faces kinda worried me... they said I was really puffy and immediately took my BP... 193/110... normal is 120s to 130s/70s to 80s... they put me in a room and told me they didn't think I would be going anywhere anytime soon. They brought in a box I had never seen before and set it near the sink, then proceeded to start an IV... not something I had ever had them do before so I knew it was bad. I found out later it was precautions they use when one is at risk for seizures... nice...

My blood work and urine tests came back normal just like before but they wanted me to do a 24 hour urine collection again... and because my BP was so high, they wanted me to stay to have it collected... so I called my husband to tell him what to bring me for what I thought would be just a one-night stay.

I was there until Monday morning.

The on-call OB told me the 24 hour urine came back normal but since it was so late (9pm Sunday night) that they wanted me to stay one more night, have my OB talk to me on Monday morning, and play it by ear from there. Now, my OB trusts me and my judgement so I figured I would be headed home on Monday with more meds and an order to decrease my hours at work.

When my OB called late Monday morning, she told me the 24 hour urine had actually come back at mild pre-eclampsic levels and she wanted to induce. I asked her if we could just increase my meds and wait until later in the week, knowing that my BP would go down once I was home, in my own bed, cuddling with Bailey. She was not real pleased with that and wanted to know why I wanted to prolong the inevitable... I told her we had another family member who was having an elective c-section on Tuesday and my mom was going to be with her and neither my husband nor I wanted to have our kids sharing birthdays... My OB said she was fine waiting until Wednesday to induce but wanted me to stay at the hospital until then... I begged her to let me go home... I told her I really needed to sleep in my own bed and I missed my dog... luckily she is a dog person, too, said I could go as long as I would agree to come back to start the induction process on Tuesday evening.

So home I went to relax in my bed with my dog while my mom and baby brother unloaded the scrapbooking stuff from my car and packed my bag for the hospital...

Introducing....

Kayden Kaetana
9/17/2009
7 lbs 4 1/4 oz
19 1/2 inches

Pay Back's A Bitch

A few years ago, I discussed my future children with a good friend of mine... I told her flat out that my husband and I wanted boys... we had no desire to have a girl...

My friend has 2 girls so of course she was mildly offended and said girls were great.

Me: Your girls are great... but can you imagine another me running around?

Friend: You're right... you need boys...

I am not an easy person to live with. I am picky, moody, and quirky. I like things how I like them and I do not easily compromise...

I was also a difficult child... I was high maintenance despite being a tom-boy. And some of the tom-boy has stayed with me... I am not at all a fan of pastels and I most certainly do NOT do pink.

My husband is stubborn and hot tempered...

A girl with a combination of these characteristics was sure to be a handful...

Now, my husband was (and still is) a ladies' man... he was a bit of a playboy in high school and the years following... his friends were real surprised when they found out he was getting married... I heard on many occasions "so you're the one who got him to settle down" and "I can't believe you got him to settle down" and other such things... funny since he was the one who pushed to get married when we did...

And our proof that God has a sense of humor: It's a girl...

Attachment Part 2

Corrina was born at 27 weeks and had parents who never came to visit her in the NICU. The nurses took turns holding her but they could really only spend a few minutes at a time with her... So when they realized I could bend my schedule around so I could be available for 2-3 hours 2 days a week, they jumped on me to hold her on a regular basis.

The first time I held her, she was about 34 weeks. It felt like I was holding a 2 liter bottle of soda. She was stiff and didn't cuddle into me like most babies do... it was very strange... but within a month, she would melt into me whenever I held her. When I would walk into her room, I would sing "Corrina Bella" and she would look around expectantly. While she was being fed through a tube, I would sing and rock her and read to her and then hold her as she fell asleep. Then we would cuddle for a while before I put her down and went back to work.

As she got older, her parents still didn't visit and the nurses said they thought they might put her up for adoption... culturally, she would not be accepted well... she was in congestive heart failure, on oxygen, and would probably need permanent feeding and breathing tubes inserted before she was allowed to go home. The nurses knew the mom cared about her but was not allowed by dad to visit more than once or twice a month... He didn't allow mom to do anything that took time away from their 2 year old son...

That's when I decided to tell my husband about her...

Me: Well, I am in love...

Hubby: Really?

Me: Her name is Corrina...

H: REALLY?!?!?

Me: She is 3 months old...

H: (looking a bit disappointed but still interested) Tell me about her...

So I did... and then I asked him if he would be willing to be a foster parent if the parents decided to give her up...

I knew he would say no... I thought his reasons would be along the lines of "I am not raising someone else's kid" or "I don't want a kid that doesn't look like us"... I was shocked when he said "No... I don't think our marriage is strong enough for that yet..." My husband, the perpetual 12-year-old, went on to explain how he knew a few families who had taken in a foster child and now they were separated or already divorced... he was actually discussing it like a grown up... I was so proud... disappointed, but proud...

Corrina eventually was transferred to another hospital for longer term care... I didn't get a chance to say goodbye and I was really torn up about it for quite a while... I sent her a card on her first birthday with a note to her mom and a copy of the one picture I had of me holding her... I asked mom to send an updated picture to the NICU so we could see how she was growing and changing... we never heard from them...

Last summer, mom had another little boy... from what I have heard through the grape vine, Corrina finally went home but was treated like the invisible child... very sad...

I still think about her a lot... at least once a week if not more... I miss her... I miss the love she should have shared with our family... and the little girl she had the potential to become... it makes me so sad to think of her being neglected and ignored except for basic care...

When my co-worker said her name aloud to me, it was like re-opening a freshly treated wound... but knowing how much I loved that little girl, even though she wasn't my own, shows me how much I am sure to love the Spider Baby...

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37 weeks today... I am officially full term... if I was to go into labor, they would not try to stop it.... but let's hope we can hold off til October 1st so I can be out through New Year's :-)

Attachment Part 1

After we got the 3D ultrasound, I carried the pics around with me a lot... mostly to share with others but also to gaze at myself occasionally.

It is still so surreal... I am going to be a mom. There is a baby inside me. I can feel the movement several times a day but it still is so beyond belief that it is not real to me yet. The nursery is done with the exception of the rocker my mom is reupholstering for me, I have completed all my child birth classes, the car seat is ready to be installed and the stroller is already in my trunk... but it still doesn't seem real to me yet...

So when a coworker asked me if I was in love when I showed her the 3D pics, I felt guilty when my response was "I don't even know the kid yet." I mean, I care about Spider Child and I care what happens to him/her but how can I say that I love someone when I don't even know them?

I guess when I think about it, I do love the kid... but its like how you love your siblings when you are growing up or how you love your parents during your teen years... you love them because you have to, not because you really feel the emotion.

I guess the coworker sensed my guilt because she reminded me of a baby I fell in love with a few years ago... she said "You will be fine... think of how much you loved Corrina..."

Yeah, I will be just fine... :-)

God and Dog

Love this!!!!

http://www.irememberlove.com/video/god-and-dog-by-wj-francisco

Two Fish, Five Loaves

We had some excitement last weekend...

My husband left Thursday evening for a weekend fishing trip at a state park located 2-3 hours south of our home... Nothing special... he goes camping about once a month when it's nice out so this was nothing out of the ordinary for him....

Friday night about 11 pm I get a collect call from him... his cell didn't get service where he was.... he had gotten into it with the group of people he was with and had grabbed his stuff and walked off the camp site and headed to the main lodge... he needed a ride...

For those of you who don't know my husband, he can really lose his temper when provoked... I guess this was a different group of people that he knew but had never camped with before... and he got into it with one of the guys and was greatly out numbered... he figured it was better for him to grab his stuff and go than to hit the guy and then either get mauled by the rest of the group or tossed in jail...

So, he gave me some rough directions and I headed out about 11:30 pm... I was doing okay on gas and figured I would try to stop once a little over half-way down there to use the restroom and get gas so we could drive straight thru on the way back.... little did I know that the route I was taking had nothing after the last town 45 min from our house...

There were plenty of gas stations along the route but being so rural and the middle of the night, they were all closed. When my husband called to give me more specific directions, he told me to stop and try a pump anyway... of course it didn't work...

By the time I got to him, I had about 1/8 tank of gas. I told him I thought we should head to the next town and hope for an open pump but he refused and we headed back toward home... me knowing there was no hope for gas for at least 50 miles or more...

Now, being a guy, my husband set out to prove me wrong. We stopped at one station and although it accepted his card, the pumps were off so all we could get was what was left in the line... and it only dripped it's way into my tank, so empty at this point that we could hear it as the drops echoed in the tank...

Lather, rinse, repeat...

We did this 3-4 more times along the route for a grand total of just under 1/2 gallon... he kept asking how far to the next town by my map and I kept praying that he would agree to just sleep at the next pump until it opened in a few hours... I also prayed that the fumes would get us where we needed to go so he wouldn't have to walk to the next town...

We finally made it to a larger town that actually had a Walmart with gas pumps... which of course were off, but the store was open so I could use the restroom and ask what time the pumps opened... the lady working there told us about the one 24 hour pump in town which happened to be less than 2 miles away... so if we did die, my husband could walk back to the Walmart to buy a gas can then to the pump and back to the car with ease if need be...

We made it to the station, which was, of course, dark and deserted, with the exception of the one brightly lit pump...

My husband put his card in...

"Please see attendant" flashed across the screen... (of course... he just made 3-4 purchases for about 25-50 cents each and the card was flagged...)

I laughed so hard tears were rolling down my face... he was trying not to lose his temper while digging in his bag for another card... which he found and successfully used to fill up my starving tank.

Now this whole trip I prayed... that I stay awake... that I find him without too much trouble... that the gas in tank got us to where we needed to be... that no one had to walk anywhere... that we make it home safe. And as I began to realize that running out of gas was a very real possibility, the Bible story about a small amount of food feeding a large amount of people with more left over than they started with kept running through my mind... God would make my car go farther than it should on what was left in the tank... I knew it... and I prayed for it... for 4 hours I prayed for it....

That night in the rural midwest, God made a car that only gets 27-29 mpg get close to 35 mpg... the proof was in the distance of the trip divided by the amount of gas we put in at the pumps...

We pulled safely into our driveway at 5:30 am Saturday morning.

Never think that God doesn't answer ALL prayers... sometimes His answer is "no" or "not yet" but He does answer them ALL...

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35 weeks today... 5 weeks to go... OB says the baby is doing fabulously... BP meds increased to twice a day but the dose is still so small that I am not too concerned...

Patience & Wisdom

Thanks to Nancy for this one:

Two of the greatest qualities in life are patience and wisdom...

Oh, Baby!

I have a friend who works in a local OB's office where they do 3D/4D ultrasounds... guess what her gift to us was :-)

The tech measured the baby to see how we are growing... the last time we were measured everything was right on target... except for the arms and legs which measured a week ahead of everything else... long legs, just like momma...

This time, the head was still on track but the legs were 3 weeks ahead of our dates... freakishly long legs, again, just like momma... we are on track to be 8-9 lbs and 23+ inches long...

Guess I better invest in some onesie extenders...

Avoiding Bed Rest

I was diagnosed with high blood pressure (BP) in October of 2007. It was successfully managed with meds until April of this year... as it turns out, I am healthier pregnant than I am when I am not... I was taken off the meds and have monitored my BP weekly since then and all has been well.

Until last week...

Thursday morning, my feet were pretty swollen when I first woke up... a bit unusual so I stopped at the hospital closest to me (where I will be delivering and where I work as well) to have them check my BP before I drove all the way into the city. It was a bit high but came down after I sat for several minutes so I went about my day. I was back at that same hospital for work that afternoon and checked my BP again before I went home. Again it was a bit high but nothing too horrible.

That night during my child birth class, my feet swelled enough to cause some concern so I stopped at that same hospital on my way home... 159/106... high enough for them to put me in a room, on monitors, and do a PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension) work-up. After 2 hours, my BP came down and my labs came back fine. They sent me home with orders to do a 24 hour urine...

This week, my doctor informed me that my 24 hour urine looked fine but that she wanted me back on my BP meds, off my feet as much as possible, and on my left side with my feet up for at least 2 hours each day after work. She wants to start seeing me weekly and wants a biophysical work-up on the baby each week to monitor growth, movement, heart rate, placenta health/function, and uterine fluid levels.

I had my first biophysical ultrasound (u/s) today. Things looked really good. Baby is growing well and the fluid levels were within normal limits (WNL). Movement was better than normal... very active and breathing a lot... babies get their oxygen from the placenta so breathing is a lot of unnecessary movement that they don't do unless they are doing really well... The u/s tech said if the baby keeps this up, barring any issues with my BP, we should have no problem making it til October 1st.

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34 weeks today... perfectly capable of thriving anytime we decide to enter the world... estimated 5 lbs 8 ozs at u/s today...

Guilt, Or Lack There Of

I used my child for my own personal gain this week...

I was taking my husband to dinner and on the way to the restaurant I was stopped for speeding... 53 in a 40 (in my defense, I thought it was a 45... the limit goes up and down multiple times along that road for no apparent reason...)

The cop came to my window and asked for my license and proof of insurance and if there was a reason why I was going so fast... I subtly rubbed my baby bump and said "I really have to use the restroom."

He handed my DL and insurance card back to me and told me to slow down, drive safe, and sent me on my way....

And you know, I don't feel one bit guilty for it :-)

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32 weeks today... first shower is this weekend...

The Dream

We lost my great-aunt J recently. She was 88.

She had been having health issues for a while and the last time I saw her (before my recent visit to see her in the hospital) was last year at my Nani's funeral... she was on oxygen then. When I went to visit her most recently, she did not look good, her kidney's were failing, and I knew it was the beginning of the end.

A couple days after my visit to the hospital, my dad called to tell me she probably would not make it through the night. It was 3 more days before she passed away. It made me so thankful that Nani went as fast and as peaceful she did... I could not imagine sitting by her side for that long... and my heart goes out to my cousins who had to do just that...

The strange thing was, when I got the e-mail from my mom telling me of Aunt J's passing, I already knew... the night before I had a dream:

The whole extended family was all together and Aunt J was there, although somehow I knew that she had just passed away... I was telling her to make sure to tell Nani when she saw her that if the baby was a girl that she would be named after her. About that time, Nani showed up to greet Aunt J and welcome her to her new life... and I got to tell her myself...

It had been quite a while since Nani had come to visit me in my dreams... It was a lot at first, but it has really tapered off since the beginning of this year... it was nice to see her... I feel so lucky when I do because I don't think my brothers see her like I do... and almost all of the time, even though I am helping her do mundane tasks, I am very aware that she is really gone and that it is a dream and I just soak up the moments...

Hug your loved ones and tell them you love them while they are here... I am so glad I did, but it's still nice to have the opportunity to do so again in my dreams...

Just When I Thought I Was Really Losing My Mind...

One afternoon as I was heading home, I saw a giant globe on the side of the highway...

Now I know pregnancy does things to your memory, dexterity, and balance, but I hadn't heard anything about hallucinations... so I continued on my way and tried to forget about it...

Then, a few mornings later, I saw it again further up the highway... so I took a quick pic with my phone so I would have evidence of my vision:


I could not imagine what it was or why it had traveled so much further down the highway...

As I was headed home that same afternoon, I saw it again, and again, it had traveled a ways down the highway, but this time there was a man standing next to it so I turned around so I could get the story:


Turns out, the guy, along with his dog, is walking half way across the US to raise awareness for diabetes and he is rolling the world with him. He lost his mom to complications due to the disease when he was pretty young but his uncle has been living with it for 40 years. In honor of his uncle's upcoming birthday, he is going to climb Pike's Peak, rolling the world the whole way...

I chatted with him for a bit and gave him all the cash I had (like $4 or something pitiful) then I headed on my way...

The next morning, I actually saw him walking and rolling his world right along in front of him... What an inspiration!!!!

Please check him out at www.worldguy.org (notice the pic I took shows the actual size of the globe, where the pic on his site does not do it justice...)

Midnight Excitement

A bit of history: The daughter of one of our neighbors (we'll call her AH) has been in Paris for the last several months working on her MBA in International business... she is home for the summer even though her mom has been living on the East Coast and the house has been vacant for almost a year with the exception of the 2 kids coming and going at random intervals.

So the latest of my husband's favorite things to do is when we are about to go to sleep at night he knocks on the headboard and makes Bailey go crazy thinking someone is at the door.... yeah, he is pretty ornery.

So the other night, I am trying to sleep when I hear him doing this... Bailey goes crazy, then calms down, then he does it again... lather, rinse, repeat... this went on for about 15 minutes before he got bored... then I was out like a light.

A little later, I hear him doing it again, accompanied by Bailey barking like mad... I was about to get really ticked off when I realized the knocking was actually coming from the front door and it was more of an insistent banging than a knock. I feel him get up and head to the door... Then I hear a female voice in an absolute panic. I get up and head that way too...

Turns out, AH had been home alone when she got a text message that said "I'm here... unlock the door." She said she gets messages like that a lot and she just replies that they have the wrong number... but this time it really gave her the creeps. Whereas she typically just turns on the alarm before she heads to bed, she decided to go ahead and lock all the doors as well (something rarely done in our neighborhood). She had just locked one of the doors and headed to the other when she heard the beep of the alarm signaling that a door had opened... then the alarm was tripped and she froze, until the system voice came on and said "Get out of the house NOW!" and she thought "OK" and she took off out the door she was standing in front of... our house was the closest and she knew we were home.

So my husband grabs his gun and flashlight and heads over to check things out while she calls her mom (the one who the alarm company would call to inform that the alarm was tripped) to let her know she was out of the house, safe at our place, and that she was calling the police.

My husband came back and said he didn't see anything but that the dog, a standard poodle named Lu Lu, was about to lose her mind and snarled if he even got remotely close to her... so they headed over together to get the dog then came back to wait for the police.

Bailey and Lu Lu were so happy to play, they were oblivious to us heading outside to meet the cops. The police checked things out and found nothing... but they said that the door that tripped the alarm was unlocked but not open while 2 other doors were locked but not completely closed so they were able to easily push them open. The unlocked door was the one AH had just locked a minute or 2 before the alarm went off... we never did figure out how it came to be unlocked...

AH was really shaken up (not surprising given the events of the early morning hours and her history of being stalked as a undergrad and nearly being kidnapped last spring while in Paris) so we fixed her up a bed so she could stay the night with us instead of going home to the big empty house... although an hour later, her brother convinced her to stay with him, which was only 10 minutes away...

The whole thing was so strange... our neighborhood is so quiet that we would have heard footsteps running away or a car starting over the hill or around the corner and we heard nothing... And between my husband, Lu Lu, and the cops, it was clear there was no one in the house... very, very strange...

So that was our excitement for the week...

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31 weeks today... lots of Braxton-Hicks and a few really uncomfortable contractions...

Honey... Aahhh Sugar Sugar

Warning: This gets graphic...

So I went in on the 20th for the 3 hour glucose tolerance test (GTT).

I managed to do okay overnight with just water and no snacks... but by the time I got to the lab, I was actually looking forward to the glucose drink.

They open at 7:30, I got there at 7:15 and there were already 5 people waiting on the bench outside the door... I was a bit confused as to why no one (clearly not pregnant and strong enough to stand) offered me their seat... when the doors opened, I figured out that the seating arrangement was clearly the line as everyone started signing in...

So I get up to the front to sign in and I told them I was there for a GTT (there was a sign on the wall telling me to notify them of this when signing in). The tech said "Great! I'll grab you the drink!"

Me: Don't you need to do the fasting blood draw first?

Tech: Are you here for the 1 hour screen?

Me: No, the 3 hour test.

Tech: You have to make an apt for that.

Me: My OBs office told me I could walk in this morning!!!

I was freaking out! I took a day off work, I was ready to chew my arm off, and they were telling me I needed an apt!!! After a few questions about who my OB was and a phone call to their lab supervisor, they figured out they had spots designated for 3 people from my OBs practice every Monday... so all was well... kind of...

By the time they called me back for the fasting blood draw, it was 8:15. I apologized in advance to the tech for any snippy behavior or comments I might make since I probably would have eaten bloody road kill by then if I had it in front of me. She smiled and said "no problem."

So they take my blood and I gulp down the glucose drink and I head out to the lobby to wait with instructions to let them know at 9:13 if I hadn't been called back for the first hour blood draw.

I sat and read and people came and went and all was well.

Then Spider Baby decided my stomach was a fun new toy, all squishy and with out that lumpy food stuff in it... I changed positions and walked around and still we thumped away on the glucose filled water balloon...

It was 8:58... only 15 minutes to go...

And then came the taste... you know the one you get in the back of your mouth right before you toss your cookies? Yeah, this was gonna be bad...

I grab my purse and sprint to the restroom... I just made it through the door then it started to come up... I kept my mouth closed as long as possible as I flew into the first open stall I saw... but when I got there, the pressure behind my lips was too great and I projected all over the toilet and wall and floor...

Now how is it possible to throw up that much when all that was in my tummy was 12 oz of glucose and bile? There was easily that much on the wall and floor alone... And it kept coming!

There happened to be a nurse in there and she offered me a wet paper towel and asked if I was going to be alright or if I needed anything... I told her I was fine, thanks, and then she left...

And then I started to cry...

I was going to have to start all over... I was gonna have to drink that stuff again... It was gonna be another hour before I could eat anything...

I went back to the waiting room and when they called my name, I went back and told the tech what happened... She called my OBs office and I spoke with the nurse. She said that I would have to do the test with a diet instead...

Me: How does that work?

Nurse: 3/4 cup sugar frosted flakes, 1 cup skim milk, 2 slices dry white toast, and 1 cup orange juice... and the first blood draw needs to be 1 hour after the last bite.

Hoorah!!! I could still get the test over with that day!!! I ran to the store to get the stuff I didn't have at home then headed to my house to finally eat something... then back to the lab to wait my turn for the blood draws.

Why was I not given the diet option before? I guess I'll know for next time...

It is 5 days later and I still have not heard anything... where as I knew 2 days after each of the 1 hour screens that something wasn't right... no news is good news I guess.

Bad Nancy

Nancy, you should know better than to send an e-mail like this to a hormonal prego who cries at sappy pet stories... :-)

Post Office Response To A Little Girl

"Our 14 year old dog, Abbey died last month.

The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying that when Abbey got to heaven, God wouldn't recognize her, and could we send him a letter? I told her that I thought we could, so she dictated these words:

Dear God:

Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much.

I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.

I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her.

You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love, Meredith


We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven...

Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps on the front of the envelope to get the letter all the way to Heaven. That afternoon, I drove Meredith to the Post office and watched her drop it in a letter box.. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet.

I told her that I was certain He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith , ' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it.

Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies.' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope.
On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:

Dear Meredith:

Abbey arrived safely in heaven..

Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away...

Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog..

Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me.

What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.

I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.

By the way, I'm easy to find. I am wherever there is love.

Love,
God

It's nice to know that there are still a few nice people in this crazy world we live in."

********************

30 weeks today... viable as far as I am concerned... hopefully we'll stay in there through September...

Sugar... Aahhh, Honey Honey

Now that song will be stuck in your head all day... you're welcome :-)

For those of you who are not familiar, around 27-29 weeks, OBs require women to do a glucose tolerance screen to check for gestational diabetes. You have to drink this really sweet drink in a 10 minute period of time then they draw blood at exactly 1 hour after you finish the drink... I did mine on June 30th when I was 26 weeks 5 days. You are not supposed to have any sugar before the screen but I had a case of prego brain that morning and had a big bowl of Lucky Charms for breakfast...

On July 2nd, I got a call from the nurse who told me my screen came back a little high and they wanted me to go on for further testing. I asked what I needed to do.

I would have to make an apt at a special lab. The night before, I can not eat or drink anything after midnight. The following morning (the earliest apt being 7:30), I go to the lab and they take a fasting blood sample. Then they make me drink the sweet stuff and wait an hour to take blood. I am not allowed to eat or drink anything during the hour... then they do this 2 more times for a total of 3 more hours of nothing to eat or drink... and they make you stay there in the office the whole time to make sure you don't sneak a drink or a bite of food... so basically, I will have nothing to eat or drink (with the exception of 3 containers of sickeningly sweet stuff) for about 11 hours. And if I throw up the sweet stuff at any point during the test, I have to start all over...

Sounds like fun, huh?

Me: Let me get this straight... you want me to go almost 12 hours with nothing to eat or drink?

Nurse: Well, you take a snack with you for afterward because you will feel pretty bad by then and you'll need to eat something as soon as possible after it's done. And you will probably feel bad the rest of the day...

Me: I can't go that long with out food or water. I eat every 2-3 hours no matter what... even at night when I get up to use the restroom I eat an apple or something...

N: Well constant hunger is a sign of diabetes.

Me: I never hungry... I eat so often so I WON'T be hungry... there's a difference...

So now I am shocked and appalled at the idea that a pregnant women would be forced to go so long without food or water... so I start thinking of what I can do to get out of it.

Me: What happens if I refuse to do the 3 hour test?

N: We treat you like a diabetic and you have to restrict your diet and test your blood sugar every 4 hours for the remainder of your pregnancy.

That doesn't sound fun...

Me: You said it was a little high... what does that mean?

N: Well the cut-off for the screen is 135, and yours came back at 140.

ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!?! Go through all that for 5 points?!?! When it was probably the Lucky Charms anyway?

Me: Then I want to repeat the 1 hour test.

N: We don't do that.

Me: Well I want to do it...

N: I will have to ask the Dr and she won't be back until the 7th.

Me: That's fine. You ask her and let me know what she says.

So I get a call on the 7th and the Dr agreed to let me repeat the 1 hour screen... but if it came back at 135 or above I would have to do the 3 hour test...

YES!!! I was not going to mess this up again... I cut all sugars out (even fruit) for the 24 hours prior to the test just to be on the safe side... and I did the rescreen on the 14th.

I got a call on the 16th... 137... POO ON A STICK!!!!!!!!!

I go in on the 20th for the 3 hour screen... If I never post again, you'll know it's because they killed me by dehydration....

Water Dog

Bailey likes playing in water but she is not a swimmer.

Last summer, she was rudely introduced to the lake when she was riding too close to the front of the pontoon and, while learning to drive it, I slowed too quickly and she flew off the front. I quickly put the boat in neutral so she wouldn't get hurt by the propeller... the boat went right over top of her and my husband ran to the back of the boat to coach her back to the boat and to jump in to get her if need be. She was able to swim to the boat but it was quite clear she was not a dog meant for swimming in the lake... her "doggy paddle" was her frantically splashing the water with her front paws while her back paws dragged uselessly behind her. From then on, I put her life jacket on her every time we got on the boat together.

Later in the summer, I watched a couple of dogs jumping into the water off boats anchored in the middle of the lake to go after balls that had been tossed in by the owner. The dogs actually used the people ladders to get back on the boat. I figured I could try it with Bailey... so the next time we went out, I put her life jacket on and tossed her in right beside the ladder. I then guided her around to the ladder and held her front paws onto the top rung and waited for her to find the bottom rung with her back paws. We did this a few times and she hated it. Even if we were on the shore by our docks where she could walk in and out and be able to touch, she avoided the water at our lake.

But at the dog park, you couldn't keep her out of the water. She jumps and splashes and plays and loves it. I figure its not as scary since the water just sits there and there are no waves and she can touch the whole time...

This year, we got out boat in the water late and it had been too hot to take her on it once it was in the water... but the morning of July 5th, it was cool and I was taking my friend's 10 year old daughter out to swim while we waited for her mom to wake up... I figured I would take Bailey too since it was so cool and we didn't plan to be out very long.

So we get out to our swimming cove and drop anchor. I put Bailey's life jacket on just in case because she was acting so excited. We opened the door to the front of the boat and the little girl jumped in... and Bailey followed right behind her!!! I was so shocked! So I ran to the front and guided her in the right direction to get her back to the ladder and away from the girl so Bailey wouldn't drown her. I went to the back of the boat and called Bailey around to me and she swam right to the ladder. I put her paws on the top rung just like last year and she managed to get herself out with lots of help from me. Bailey walked around on the boat for a minute and the little girl climbed out so she could jump in again... But before she could get to the front of the boat, Bailey ran past her and jumped in again!!! Again I called her around to the ladder and again I helped her out... I closed the door to the front so she wouldn't jump in again.

Bailey is 82 lbs now... I had to do most of the work to get her up the ladder... I was 27 weeks 3 days... 2 times was enough to wear me out. We took Bailey back to the house because I couldn't keep doing that... She hasn't been back out on the boat since because I won't take her if I am by myself and my husband hasn't been out since then.

I don't know what made her jump in like she did. I thought the first time she was going after the little girl but realized she couldn't touch too late... she looked frantic when she got the ladder after the first time. But then she did it again before the girl jumped in again so that didn't make any sense, and she looked just as frantic the second time around... so I am confused...

Maybe we have a water dog on our hands after all... ?

********************

29 weeks today... our latest trick is testing the limits of my ribs and hip bones...

Doula Search

My husband has said from the very beginning not to count on him to be in the delivery room when the baby is born. He saw a baby born in real life while training to be a paramedic and said it was one of the reasons he chose a different career path. I told him all I expected was for him to try. He agreed that he would but that I should have a back-up just in case.

I chose my MIL as my back-up. She is really laid back and I think would be a calming influence when I needed it most. It is also her first and maybe only grandchild and I thought she would really like to be there.

Then my FIL was diagnosed with lymphoma.

I started my Bradley birthing classes the last week in May. When I found the class, it was only a week before it started and as it is a 12 week course, I couldn't wait for the next round because it would be too late. As it turns out, my husband had just committed to doing something on the same night of the week as the classes so he is unable to attend with me. My MIL wanted to attend but felt she should stay with FIL instead. So I am on my own where the classes are concerned.

Natural child birth (NCB) is something I really want to do, but with out a competent and knowledgeable coach, I will have a really hard time. So I decided to hire a doula (professional birthing coach). I figure she can help coach my husband and/or my MIL to coach me and coach me if they need a break.

When I told my husband what I wanted to do, he said it was a stupid waste of money. I told him to drop his Thursday night commitment and come to my classes with me then. He said no... "Then I am getting a doula."

I interviewed 4 and have it narrowed down to 2. The 2 I have it narrowed down to both have pros and cons and I am really torn between them... I really want my husband to meet them so I can get his opinion but he said just pick the best looking or cheapest one... so he's not a lot of help there... I am having a hard time getting in touch with references for one of them but I think it's just because it was a holiday week and they may not be in town so I am going to try again this week...

I really want to make the right choice here and I have been praying on it a lot. When I picture the birth, I can see clearly who it is but she's the least experienced and lives the furthest away from us. But she is also the cheapest. The other one used to go to my church and would be a good spiritual guide (and that's important because I will need reminding that God will not give me more than I can handle), she has the most experience and lives pretty close to me and the hospital.

I need to make the decision soon so whoever it is can go on the hospital tour with us and we can start the prenatal visits...

I am so TORN!!!!!

Animal Preparedness

I have been attending Bradley classes to learn the things I need to do to prepare for a natural birth. One of the things they recommend to help avoid tearing and/or an episiotomy is going without underwear as much as possible.

The theory is that animals don't tear when they give birth because their perineum is exposed to air and sunlight which helps make it more pliable and stretchy. I, however, am not comfortable going commando.

But I really want to do everything I can to train for this so my body is ready to bring my punkin into the world with as little medical intervention as possible. So I have this flowy skirt I wear when I am around the house and I go sans underwear when I wear it.

Well, this last week has been ridiculously hot... excessive heat warnings daily... heat indices from 105-115 for days... too hot to even swim... my friend Jenny's latest blog post title says it all: Greetings From The Surface Of The Sun.* I have been taking multiple showers every day and even walked around naked most of one day when I had the house to myself.

A couple days ago, I showered as soon as I walked in the door from work. When I got out, I tossed on my flowy skirt but never put on a shirt. An hour or so later, my husband gets home, takes one look at me and laughs... "you look like a bush woman who just stepped out of the National Geographic..." I laughed too and asked him if he was complaining... of course he said no... he's not stupid :-)

*http://notinkansasanymoretoto.typepad.com/

The Glamors of Pregnancy

I have a cold... not a bad one but it is still uncomfortable. The other morning, I woke up with the sore throat I know comes from sinus drainage... I got up and went to work anyway but left as early as I could that day.

That afternoon, I slept a good 3 hours and woke up feeling great. So I went to dinner with some friends from church... we had planned to meet at this fabulous Italian buffet and I wasn't going to miss it since I was feeling better.

That night when I got home I still felt fine. I did some things around the house and then had a snack before I went to bed.

I usually wake up 2-4 times to go potty during the night and I always get a snack so I don't ever really have an empty tummy... I think this is the reason I never had morning sickness.

Anyway, that night, I was having these pains in my chest that feel like indigestion but I have recently discovered are actually hunger pains because my tummy is now smooshed up into my chest cavity. It is hard to eat then but I knew I needed something so I ate a frozen fruit cup hoping that would help and I went back to bed.

The next time I woke up, I felt even worse and I got that metallic taste in the back of my mouth. You know the one you get right before you vomit? That's the one! But I still had the pain in my chest. I figured if it was stomach acid I was tasting because I was hungry, a piece of bread might help. I pulled the crust off to share with Bailey then I took a couple of bites myself.

That's when things got bad...

I knew the bread was a bad idea after the first swallow. I tossed the rest of the piece to Bailey and ran to the bathroom. I made it just in time.

Now I never vomit... ever... the last time was the day before my baby brother left to go back to Iraq (November 2007) and we went out and I got hammered and paid for it for 2 days... So that one was my fault... I wasn't even sick...

Well, this time it only lasted a few minutes so it wasn't too bad. And I felt 100 times better after it was over. So I headed back to bed.

The next morning, I woke up starving and feeling much better so I slowly ate some breakfast before getting ready for work. As I was putting some make-up on, I noticed some little red dots on my left jaw line and up that side of my cheek. I had a few other spots around my right eye as well. I figured it was just freaky pregnancy skin and didn't give it a second thought.

The following morning, however, I went to put some eye liner on and when I pulled my lower lid away from my eye, there looked to be a puddle of blood where the inside of my lid met my eye!!! What in the????? I checked the other eye and it was there as well! I started to think about it and I realized I must have thrown up so hard that I caused facial hemorrhages!

Petechial hemorrhages to be exact. You know, the stuff they look at to determine if a person was strangled to death...

Ahh... the glamors of pregnancy :-)

********************

26 weeks today... time is sure flying now!

Over Cooked

Pregnancy does strange things to one's body. I have read about and expected these things. But something still caught me off guard.

When you are pregnant, your skin goes nuts. You get acne and dark blotches and skin tags and hairs growing out of strange places... I expected these things... but I was spared the indignity of them all...

Or so I thought.

Memorial Day weekend, my husband sailed in a regatta with one of our neighbors. We hadn't got our boat in the water yet but I still wanted to enjoy the sun and work on my tan. So I layed out in front of our house while I waited for him to get home.

Normally, it takes a few hours for me to start to show some color. I can be on the water for 3 hours and tan well but not burn til I've been out for 4 or 5 hours. After about an hour and 15 min, my husband got home and I went inside and we went about our day as usual.

As I was showering in preparation for a party we were attending that night, I realized I had burned a bit. Not too bad though so I wasn't concerned... but by the end of the night I was miserable. The entire front half of me was bright red and on fire... even the front of my legs which never burn. All after an hour! Someone at the party even asked if I was trying to cook the baby faster...

I figured I would just lay out the next day to work on my back side to even things out a bit but only for 30-45 min so I didn't burn my back, too. Then I remembered, I can't lay on my belly anymore!!! Was I doomed to be two-toned for the entire summer?

Well, it rained the next day so I couldn't even go to the dog park and stand with my back to the sun...

The next weekend, I layed out again and figured out that I could still lay on my tummy if I propped myself up on my elbows and kept them directly under my shoulders. So I worked on evening things out.

Here is where it gets tricky. The first day I layed out, I was just in shorts and a tank which I pulled up to expose the baby bump. So my tan lines were more like a tube top than a bikini top. So the next time I layed out, I put SPF 50 on all the places I was tan from the week before so that the white spots around my bikini top could catch up. Well, I overlapped the sun screen a bit and now I have finger marks in the white part that was supposed to be getting tan! I am 3 different colors! My tan is so messed up now that I will be surprised if it evens out by the end of the summer!

Who would have imagined that a sun worshiper like me would end up hyper-sensitive to the sun?

Contractions

So I've been having contractions...

I was at work one day and I felt a twinge that I thought was round ligament pain. I sat down at the nurses station hoping it would go away... then the twinge moved around a bit then encircled my entire waist... I asked one of the nurses if she thought it might be a contraction... she said yeah and to drink more water to see if that helped... that was at 21 weeks and I ended up having 3 contractions in 36 hours.

I increased my water intake and things were fine. Then at 23 weeks, it happened again. I had 2 in 12 hours.

Over the last couple weeks, I have had many off and on but nothing that is so consistant that I can keep track. I have learned in my Bradley classes that these contractions are good... it's like a work out for my uterus. As long as there is no spotting, cramping, or pain, I am fine and it's just my body getting ready to push this puppy out :-)

The thing that surprises me is that they are not painful... not even uncomfortable. It's just a tightening of muscles like if I was doing light ab work or something... but it is similar to a charlie horse because it just happens and I can't control it... but there is no pain.

I am learning more about my body every day... its facinating how you can live with something for 30+ years and still be surprised and the things it can do...

********************

25 weeks today... technically viable... but let's cook a little longer, shall we?

You Can't Fix Stupid

Working in a big city hospital, I see and hear a lot of wacky things. And yet, there are still some things that surprise me.

I was walking down the hall when I patient came out of her room dressed like she was headed outside. I figured she was headed out to smoke. A social worker was reviewing her chart at the time and told the new mom that she needed to wait a few minutes because the she was about to come in to talk to her. The patient said, "I just need to run outside for a minute, I'll be right back." The social worker, matter-of-factly and plain as day, loud enough for me to hear as I was passing by, said, "Are you going out to buy drugs?" I just kept walking and didn't look back.

There was a family who was being counseled about the baby they were about to have. The ultrasounds had revealed spina bifida and the baby was going to be born via c-section and taken straight to the NICU for evaluation to determine if the baby needed to be transfered to the local children's hospital or if it would remain in our NICU. After the extensive counseling session with a social worker, OB-GYN, neonatalogist, NICU nurse, and patient advocate, the father-to-be asked, "so will the baby be able to stay in our room with us the whole time?"

There was a baby who did not pass his hearing screen in the NICU and I was working with the family trying to get the out patient appointment set up and give directions and instructions for where they needed to go and what they needed to do. The mother and father lived at different addresses and when I was writing down the address for mom and giving it to the follow-up facility, dad kept asking if I needed to change the address to his. I asked him where the baby's full-time residence would be and he said the mother's home. I told him that was the address we needed for the paperwork. We went through it 3 times before he stopped asking me to change the address. Later on, right before they were were leaving, he asked the nurse, "when are you going to put the chip in his neck?" Huh?

Nurse: I'm sorry?
Dad: You know, the chip so we can find him if he gets lost.
Nurse: We don't do that here.

What did this guy think? That his child was a dog? All I can figure is he may have seen the Duracell commercial with the child locator (which creeps me out anyway) and didn't realize it was a key chain type device you attach to the child, not a chip you implant in their neck!

*********************

24 weeks today :-)

They Travel In Packs

Last weekend, my husband and I attended a surprise 30th birthday party for one of his friends. The friend ended up being very surprised despite the fact that it was not planned out all that well. He was clued in when his mom showed up at their house to watch the kids... his wife just told him they were going out. So when he got to the bar and 15 of his friends were there, he was pretty surprised.

I only knew the birthday boy and his wife. There were 2 other couples there who had attended our New Years party with them but I didn't know them well. Regardless we all had a good time... all 5 of us girls who were pregnant. :-)

There are 3 girls who I work with who are also expecting... all 4 of us happened to be at one of the baby showers (held in a bar and grill for some strange reason) so we got a nice picture of us together... except the one who the shower was for was wearing black and the rest of our bellies kinda covered hers... We got a funny look from a table full of guys as we all filed out one after the other. :-)

When my mom was expecting me, a cousin and another couple were also expecting. The 3 couples all went out to dinner one night. And like women do, they all went to the ladies room together. As they were coming out, 2 college-aged girls were waiting to go in. My mom said they looked at each other and as she was walking away she heard one of them say, "I don't know if I want to go in there..." :-)

********************

My husband and I have been married 6 years today... I wonder if he will remember...

Prego Brain

I am kinda forgetful. I right everything down and I double check most everything I do because I can't remember if I did it right or if I finished it or not.

So now I am in the family way and it has gotten so much worse.

I forgot to do a report on one of my employees... it was due back in March... I just completely spaced it.

Yesterday left my ID at home today... big problem...

I work on a secure unit that I scan my badge to get into. So I had to call security to let me into the garage, then go by the actual security office to trade my DL for a temp badge. When I got to the floor where I work, the badge wouldn't scan. I had to go back to security so they could fix it.

The key to my office and supply room are also on my badge... security had to unlock both doors for me.

We have a special bin where we put papers with confidential information that need to be shredded. It is locked and serviced by an off-site company. I had a list of patient names in one hand and my cell phone in the other. As I was walking by the bin, I went to toss the patient list in, but instead, I dropped my cell phone in. I had to call security to open the bin to get it out. The guard was very nice about it and laughed at me and told me that I had him running so much that day that he was starting to take it personally :-)

Not too sure what else I have forgotten... hope it wasn't anything too important... and I hope I can get through the rest of the week without doing anything else too stupid!!!

********************

21 weeks today!

The Dance Of The Spider Baby

So although I have been calling the little punkin Peducci since the very begining (what my dad called me before I was born), I have begun to call it the Spider Baby now.

We had our big ultrasound a couple weeks ago and everything measured out like it should... except the arms and legs were both almost a week ahead of what they should be... so it looks like the big and tall stores if its a boy and if its a girl, well, she is just going to be out of luck...

So Spider Baby has been dancing around like crazy for the last 11 days... I have consistently felt movement every day since the first day when I posted about it. I have to admit I am kinda surprised because I know a lot of folks who feel it one day and then nothing for days... I am feeling very lucky for that...

Sometimes I feel a light bump or a series of thumps and sometimes its more of a pressure in one spot or another. My youngest brother said its trying to claw its way out :-)

I feel the most movement in the afternoons and evenings and mostly when I am sitting down or in a slight fetal postion... I do feel it when I am standing or lying flat but not as much and not as strong. Its almost like Spider Baby is trying to stretch out when I squish it too much :-)

When ever and how ever it comes, I am enjoying the dance...

********************

20 weeks today... I am half way there!!!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the ladies out there...

Wether you are a mother or not...

Today you are celebrated for all the woderful things you do to make the lives of those around you a more pleasant and enjoyable experience!!!

Yoga

This one is courtesy of a poster over at babycenter.com:

The five best prenatal yoga postures

• The Pringle. Lie on your back with a can of chips balanced on your stomach. See if you can eat them all before you fall asleep.

• The Sneeze. As the sneeze approaches, squeeze your knees together, breathe in and out, and try to remember what it used to feel like to "hold it in." Keep this pose while you hobble to the bathroom to change your underwear.

• The Calf Cramp. Try to stretch around your belly and rub your leg while simultaneously screaming loudly enough to wake everyone in your zip code.

• The Pesto Burp. Bring your chin to your chest and exhale as silently as you can through your closed mouth. Reward yourself with a nice, meditative Fudgesicle.

• The Sleeping Hip. Lie on your side until you lose all feeling. Roll onto your other side and repeat.

Namaste!

History and Cloth Diapering

I had the pleasure of sharing a table at a brunch last weekend with a wonderful lady who shared a piece of her cloth diapering experience.

Somehow during the conversation when all the different ladies at the table were asking all the typical questions about how my pregnancy was going, it came up that I am planning to cloth diaper (CD).

One older lady said that CDs were the only option when her children were young. She shared that it was during "a major drought"... translation: The Dust Bowl. My first reaction was "Oh no, that must have been horrible" thinking that with a limited supply of water, it must have been hard to get everything washed. Her reply was "No, it was GREAT! By the time you finished hanging the newly washed ones on the line, the first ones you hung were dry." The air and wind were so dry at the time that it sucked the moisture out of the wet laundry about as fast as one could hang it.

I guess when everything in the house is covered with dust, that would include ALL the clothes, including the diapers.

Is That You?

I think I felt you this morning.

I was lying in bed trying to fall back asleep after a morning snack and bathroom break...

First I felt what seemed like a strange light pressure/stretching on both sides of my belly, almost like you were stretching out full length... I imagine now that you were waking up and having your morning stretch.

I wondered, was that you?

I lay quiet and waited to see if I felt anything else or if I was imagining things... a few minutes later I felt a very light bump... and again I waited wondering if I was really feeling what I thought.

Then, 2 quick light bumps... I was not imagining this.... and as I sit here less than 10 minutes later, the light bumps keep happening at small intervals...

How is it possible that I never felt this before? Surely this isn't the first time you've been this strong and active...

I am going back to lay down and enjoy this...

********************

18 weeks/3 days

Sacrificial Tooth

As I eluded to in the 4/27 post, I have had some dental issues lately.

Seven years ago, I had a streak of 3 root canals in 6 months... that was the most un-fun 6 months of my life... but I haven't had any issues since so all was well.

Last summer, one of those teeth began to hurt. Now, I know what you are thinking, "that tooth is dead" or "that's not possible" or something along those lines. Well guess what... you are wrong!

Turns out I had what is called a "failed root canal" which required (or so I thought) surgery on the root via the gum. The endodontist went in through the side of my gum and fixed the problem and within 10 days, the swelling and pain were all gone and all was well again. Until I got the bill for what insurance didn't cover... $950!!!!!

Then in December, a little bubble popped up on the gum. I didn't think anything of it at first since I occasionally get water blisters in my mouth... I just pop them and they go away. So I pop the bubble and more than just water came out. I had an apt within the week for a filling repair so I figured I would ask about it then.

The dentist said I had an infection in my gum and put me on antibiotics to clear it up. She said if it returned, to go back the the endodontist who did my surgery that summer. It cleared up for a bit but came back... right before I was due for a cleaning so I waited until then to do anything about it.

I just found out I was expecting when I went in for the cleaning. As it turned out, the dr was out that day and the hygienist was not comfortable cleaning my teeth with the active infection there and with me being so early on in my pregnancy. So they got me in with a new endodontist that afternoon who told me that he could try to repair the root canal again or I could just have the tooth pulled.

Let me see, I can pay another $1000 and risk finding out 6 months after the fact that I have another infection, doing God only knows what kind of damage to my unborn child, or I could spend $150 and just have it pulled and be done with it.

Guess which one I chose... I figured the tooth was the first of many sacrifices I will make for my child...

So next year, when I will have added more to my medical flex account, I am going to get a dental implant. In the mean time, I had to get a retainer to hold the space in my mouth. Its not covered so I was going to be $100 out of pocket. Then when I am ready for the surgery, they have to make a guide which is also not covered and will be $400 out of pocket.

When I went in last week to pick up the retainer, the dr found that the tech made me 3 of them. So the dr decided to just keep one and use it to make the guide... CHA-CHING!!!! $400 I now don't have to spend!!! Then when I went to check out, the regular office goddess was not there and the fill-in wasn't sure how to put the $100 charge for the retainer in the computer. The dr told her to wave it!!! Another $100 to spend on baby stuff!

Have I mentioned how much I love my dentist?

********************

18 weeks today!

When It Pays To Be Hormonal

So I had a really hormonal day last week. The lady at work did another ultrasound to see if we could tell what we were having. We had a perfect "moon" shot but we still couldn't tell what it was... nothing that looked like a hamburger or a turtle.

Now, I originally did not want to find out what it was but my husband did. I didn't feel strongly enough about it to fight that battle so I caved. We were going to try to let him know and not tell me until the shower or not at all. It would have worked as long as his friends didn't start sending us pink or blue stuff...

Then at my very first, way too early to tell ultrasound, the lady says before I can stop her, "I think I see some boy bits." So much for that idea....

After that, I really wanted to know. So the past couple weeks we've been trying to find out. Last week was really frustrating because we could see exactly where SOMETHING should be... but the machine is not the greatest as it is only really used for finding the position and not much more. The lady told me that she still couldn't tell but that girls tend to be sneakier than boys.

After the u/s, I had to head to the dentist (that's a whole other story in an of itself.) For some reason on the drive, I burst into tears... I don't want to know anymore.... I mean I really don't want to know... I want to find out when it pops out and not a day sooner.

So I get to the dentist and compose myself for the apt. They put me in the chair and I waited for the Dr to come in... when she did, she asked how things were going. And I burst into tears. She laughed and said some funny things to calm me down and we went about the apt.

You see, I have some major dental stuff coming up next January and the first 2 parts of the process are not covered by my insurance. Out of pocket, they were going to cost me $500... up front. Guess who worked it out so I wouldn't have to pay a dime...

I love my dentist :-)

The Underworld

For some strange reason, I have decided that I want to cloth diaper. Maybe it's the undercover tree-hugger I get from my mother. Or maybe it was the calculator at punkinbutt.com that showed the savings of disposables ($700 something vs $2000 something for diapering for 30 months).

So now I am trying to plan how I am going to do it. It's not like the old days with folding them in thirds, diaper pins, and plastic pants. Those are still out there but with some modern variations. The ones I plan to use are much more like the disposables with the diaper and the cover all being in one piece and fastening with Velcro or snaps. They have every color of the rainbow and ones that are size specific or ones that grow with your child.

I will need 25-30 of the newborn variety since the one-size are so bulky on the little ones and they won't grow into them until 6-12 weeks depending on the size of the baby. Then I will need 20-25 of the one-size. These all run $15-$20 or more a piece! Then you need liners for the first 2 weeks so the meconium (tar-like newborn poop that fades away with their out-side world diet) doesn't stain the precious diapers. And if you are going to use CD you may as well use cloth wipes and wash it all together, right? So the up front cost can run $400-$500 easily.

But then it's done. You have your stash. You might sell or trade on sites like diaperswappers.com or buy a cute new patterned one but for the most part, no more expense on poo collectors. And if a little sibling comes along, the savings in exponential!!!

I think I am going to register for the diapers since I have bigger things like the crib and rocking chair already taken care of. And I didn't plan to register for all the little gadgets anyway so this will be nice for those on a budget. They can buy a diaper or 2 and maybe a pack of wipes and be done with it...

Support

So this post might be a bit TMI for the men out there so be forewarned.

I love my bras. I was in desperate need of new bras and underwear last year due to having a new puppy in our home so I was ecstatic when I got $250 worth of Victoria's Secret gift cards for Christmas!!! I went crazy!

Luckily, the majority of my new collection is of the demi variety. Meaning that they cover the lower portion of my breast just past the areola and allow for some growth or shrinkage based on my weight fluctuations. So over the past few months, I have just loosened the straps and have been fine.

Lately, however, I have found that I am much more comfortable when wearing my tanks with built-in support. Now don't get me wrong... I am all about comfort and even though my bras are VS I choose the Body line which is comfortable as well as being a bit sexy. But I knew the time had come for investing in some maternity bras when I left the house one morning to run errands, returned later that evening and realized I had never changed out of the cami I had slept in the night before.

I had read a few things about breast feeding that recommend against wearing under wires because of the increased risk of blocked ducts and mastitis. But another source said under wires were needed for better support. So I asked a lactation consultant for some recommendations.

She sent me to a LC at another one of my sites who actually measured and sold bras out of her office at the hospital. I got measured and she gave me one to try on. I was so happy, I shoved my old bra in the package and wore the new one out the door.

Now, as comfortable as this thing is, it is probably the ugliest thing I have ever laid eyes on. It looks like something they would have worn back in the 50's when they wore 10 pounds of underwear. My rack has grown from an average 34C to a pornographic 38D... I am a bit concerned about how much bigger they are going to get... am I ever going to be able to wear a pull-over sports bra again? Or will I have to special order everything?

I am off to buy a few more of the cheaper variety at the local maternity store...

********************

17 weeks today.

NCB

Natural Child Birth. Where do I begin?

First, let me say that how a child is brought into this world is a very personal decision, not to be take lightly. It is also something that should be agreed upon by both parents because, regardless of how it happens, mom will need all the support from dad (or mom #2 as is the case in some situations) that she can get.

For me, this is not something I just woke up one day and decided to do. I was open to it before but was not set on anything specific.

I knew I wanted to be in a hospital. Too many things can go wrong and I want to be in the presence of people who know what they are doing and can make educated decisions about my care and the care of my child if something goes wrong and I, or my husband or support person, am unable to make an informed decision. I know my doctor and the nurses on the unit where I'll be to trust their medical judgement and follow their advice if the unexpected happens.

I also knew that I do not want an epidural. Needles do not bother me. However, a needle going into my spine is not something I am comfortable with. I don't want whichever sleepy, overworked resident who's on-call to determine if I will be able to walk again after all this is over. I'll keep my spine to myself, thank you very much.

I am not a naturalist by any stretch of the imagination. But I want to do this as natural as possible. I figure God made me to do this and He will only give me as much as I can handle. However, I also believe he gave the doctor and nurses the knowledge to judge when things are not moving along the way they should. I am not opposed to meds that will make me more comfortable if that will help move the baby along if they feel things may become dangerous for myself or the baby if they don't. I am open to the suggestions of the medical professionals and whatever they can put in an IV or that I can take by mouth.

My current issue is this: I work with the nurses who will be responsible for my care weekly. Whenever I mention to them that I am planning to do NCB, they tell me I am crazy and that I don't know what I am talking about, or that I will change my mind. I know these people professionally, not personally. They don't know what I am capable of or what my motivations might be. I trust their medical judgement but it bothers me that they are not more supportive of me.

Only one person on the unit has been supportive and she is a lactation consultant. She had 4 completely natural. She said that yeah, it was the worst pain she ever had to deal with but if it was really that bad, she wouldn't have done it 3 more times after the first. She even suggested some classes that I should look into.

I am not saying I am set on this and will do it no matter what. I am open. I am flexible. My doc may tell me it's not a good idea due to the health of myself or my child (I haven't had a diagnostic ultrasound yet and I have medicated high blood pressure) and I am open to what she thinks would be best for us.

It will be a physical feat but it will be a mind game as well. I have told my body to do things it didn't want to before and I emerged a more confident person for it, knowing I could conquer something so grueling.

And if things deteriorate before then, I will probably opt for everything they can do to make this as easy as possible for me.

But if I continue to feel as good as I have felt since the beginning, I feel there is no reason why I couldn't do this.

Name Game

Years ago, when we were planning our lives together, my husband and I discussed baby names. I liked the name Brody for a boy. My husband said no. He liked the name Dakota or Cody. I said no because I had a dog once who was named Dakota and we called him Cody.

A couple years ago, the subject came up again. Being a HUGE hockey fan, he suggested Teemu Selanne (pronounced Tay-moo Suh-lonn-ee). Of course I said no. The funny thing was, that as time passed, the name kinda grew on me and I really considered Teemu as a first name... don't judge me... I like how "Tay" sounds with our last name and I was jonesing for a baby... any baby...

He also liked the names Delaney or Trinity for a girl... No... Delaney is the name of the granddaughter of a neighbor we socialize with and Trinity had become too popular due to The Matrix (which I still have not seen nor do I have the desire.)

About that same time, he mentioned he would like a Junior. I thought about it a bit and I wondered if the "Teemu" thing was just a bit to get me to agree to a junior... but regardless, the idea grew on me. We would call the child by a shortened form of the middle name, which is something I really like.

So now that we are expecting, we have only discussed names twice. Once I asked if he still wanted a junior and that as long as we could call him by the middle name I was willing. He said yes. Then when I brought it up a few weeks later, he got all huffy and said that was fine since I didn't like any of the names he liked. Confused because I didn't remember seriously discussing names with him, I asked what names he liked. "Dakota or Cody"... no, no dog names... what else? "No, I'll just get mad!" So I suggested some of the more original names that I liked and he said no to them all, I am guessing without even considering them because he was pouting because he didn't get his way... and the conversation was over...

So now that I have thought about it more, I am starting to get upset. He vetoed the names I liked years ago and I never brought them up again, even though he gave me no reasons why he didn't like them... But he keeps trying to push names on me that I have given him very specific arguments against. WTF?!?!?

So I have started doing some research on the first and middle names of his family members and I plan to compile a list of names for him to choose from.

I don't want this to be a point of conflict between us but I refuse to give my child a name that will embarrass them when they walk into a job interview later in life. And he is so stubborn that I don't think he'll like anything I choose just for the simple fact that it wasn't his first choice.

But at least we can compromise with a Junior if it is a boy... God forbid we have a girl... that name is set and there is nothing he can do about that...

Catch-up

Ok, so I have fallen of the map for a week or so... it's not the first time. Let's just say that babycenter.com is a time suck and with my boss in town last week, I didn't get half the stuff done I needed to so I have been playing catch-up... nuff said.

I will post on each point later, but here is a quick run-down on what's been going on:

1. No, dear husband, I am not naming my child after a dog.
2. No, I am not crazy for wanting a natural childbirth so please stop trying to tell me I don't know what I am talking about and that I will change my mind.
3. Why are bras without under wires so horribly ugly?
4. I know cloth diapers will be cheaper that disposables in the long run but HOLY $%#*% the up-front cost is ridiculous!!!!

First up, last week my sonogram friend scanned me again to see if we could tell what I am having. The kid is already as ornery as my husband. Legs were crossed at the ankles blocking our view. Then we saw what we thought was a little hamburger (a girl) and I started to have an anxiety attack. Then we moved a bit and it looked like a turtle (a boy). Then we realized it was pulsing (the cord). So we gave up on that end... then we got a great straight on face shot. However the little hands were up by the ears and it looked like "na na na boo boo... you can't see my unders!"

More to come later.

********************

16 weeks today.

Hello World!!!

Hello World!!!



I can't wait to meet you in October!

Why October Is A Good Month To Give Birth

1. Capri's and shorts are way more comfortable then long, heavy clothes... especially since I have a freakishly long inseam and can't find maternity jeans long enough.

2. I can wear flip-flops when my feet are swollen.

3. It is much easier to eat healthy food in the spring and summer.

4. If I am going to eat fish, it will be fresh.

5. If I am gonna be big, at least I will be tan.

6. I will be in the "cute pregnancy" stage for most of the summer... I will be big but not uncomfortably huge.

7. The baby will be ready for the holidays... Family events + babies = lots of fun.

8. I will finally have an excuse to send Christmas Cards.

9. I will have all winter to lose the weight and maybe even be back in my pre-prego clothes by next summer (hopefully including my swimsuit.)

10. My maternity leave will include the entire holiday season... I won't get stuck working on a holiday!!!

11. Pumpkin patch + first birthday = the cutest pictures ever!!!

12. I get to dress my new pumpkin as a pumpkin for Halloween.

13. By the time we are ready for day care, I will have my pretaxed child care dollars to pay for it. (They won't kick in til January.)

14. We can celebrate our birthdays together (me 10/15, hubby 10/30, baby before 10/10 or I am cutting it out myself)

********************

14 weeks today... I can't wait to feel the little bugger move!!!!

$160,140.00

Thanks to Rosie for this one:

The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! And that doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140.00 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
* $8,896.66 a year,
* $741.38 a month,
* $171.08 a week,
* $24.24 a day,
* $1.01 an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is: don't have children if you want to be 'rich.' Actually, it is just the opposite.

What do you get for your $160,140.00?
* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
* Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140.00, you never have to grow up.. You get to:
* finger-paint,
* carve pumpkins,
* play hide-and-seek,
* catch lightning bugs,
* never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,
* watch cartoons,
* go to Disney movies, and
* wish on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.

For a mere $24.24 a day, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,
* taking the training wheels off a bike,
* removing a splinter,
* filling a wading pool,
* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and
* coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream.

You get a front row seat in history to witness the:
* First step,
* First word,
* First date,
* First time behind the wheel.

You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great-grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match..

In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!

Children are the best investment you'll ever make...

Hyperactive

I am convinced my child is going to be hyperactive. First because of all the flailing about during the ultrasound a couple weeks before we should have been so active, and then when we went looking for a heartbeat.

We went to hear the booger yesterday... Yes, "we"... my husband actually made it which made me happier that I think he realizes. But the little jumping bean kept moving around... just as soon as the nurse would find it, we would hear a thump or 2 then it would fade away... just kept moving out of the way. I guess we just don't like being prodded :-)

I recorded it on my cell phone... I wanted to post it but the blog site won't take gif files (whatever that means) and I don't know how to make it work. If you really want to hear it, drop me an e-mail.

Temperment

How sweet is this dog to put up with all that...

Dreams

I've heard that they get really crazy when you are pregnant but mine have been violent and gory lately.

Last night, it started as me as a killer and I brought a bunch of people to a house in a trance and I blinded them so they couldn't escape then I killed a few then let the rest all go. Then it morphed as they all ran out the door. I became the house and I sucked them all back in. The house became all pretty and friendly and then I would make them secretly turn on each other and kill each other one by one. Very strange.

A couple weeks ago, I was trying to escape a haunted house (like the fake ones at Halloween) that was in a mall and had an actual killer running around in it and I was the only one who knew or believed it. I had a baby (not necessarily my baby) in my arms in some flashes and not in others. When the killer got too close, I had this huge knife I would slash at his face. I always cut him and it would slow him down but he never stopped chasing me.

Hormones can do some wild things to a person. I don't really watch scary movies so this was very strange for me...

********************

Going to hear the heartbeat on 3/24...

Oh Crap!!!

Here's a quote to live by:

"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, 'OH CRAP, SHE'S UP!'"

Bandit

My in-laws lost their oldest dog yesterday. Bandit would have been 10 in April.

The night before last, my FIL had all 3 dogs in the truck when he stopped at the end of the drive to toss the trash bin in the back on his way up to the house. The dogs are used to this and always stay in the truck. I guess Bandit jumped out and my FIL didn't see him. When My FIL started up the drive, he accidentally hit him.

My FIL took him straight to the vet who sent them to the ER vet since they had personnel there to monitor him over night. X-rays showed no broken bones but Bandit was clearly in a lot of pain and could not stand up on his own. They decided to monitor him overnight and reassess the situation in the morning.

Yesterday morning, they picked him up from the ER and took him to our regular vet who re-examined him. They said he could relieve himself if they held him up but that he couldn't get up on his own. And there were apparent signs of major internal injuries. The vet told them that it would be a long road and that he may not recover. My in-laws decided to end his suffering and put him to sleep yesterday afternoon.

I talked to my MIL tonight. She is clearly upset but seems to be doing as well as can be expected. She is the cool head in these situations. We wouldn't have gotten through losing Gizmo without her. My FIL, however, is a mess. He feels like its his fault even though there were so many strange things that happened.

The dogs NEVER jump out of the truck... even Geronimo who is still fairly new to the family stays in the truck until he is called out. And those dogs will meet you at the end of the driveway and run circles around the car all the way up to the house and never get hit. And my FIL was going slower than usual to keep the trash bin from falling out of the back. So there was something going on that made Bandit jump out like he did and then not allow him to move out of the way when the truck was put into gear and started to move.

Regardless, there is a large hole at my in-laws home now. The dogs are clearly missing their friend. When my in-laws brought Bandit home to bury him, the dogs never got out of the truck even though they were told they could. They sat there and watched the hole being dug and everything. Early this morning, they went outside and to opposite ends of the yard and barked for a long time when they are usually late sleepers. When they get pig ears, Taz and Bandit would always go into the bedroom to eat theirs while Geronimo would plop down in the living room with his... This afternoon, Taz took hers into the bedroom, then came right back out and sat down next to Geronimo. And while they always steal each other's food at meal times, they have left alone the little bit of food that remains in Bandit's bowl.

I plan to take Bailey by to see them all tomorrow. Hopefully she will be a welcome distraction if only for a couple hours.

Bandit was a wonderful dog and will be greatly missed.