Quote Of The Day

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

-Unknown

Bailey Angel

We lost Bailey on February 25, 2017

She had a tough 6 months with some random things happening before she finally crossed her rainbow bridge.

One day last fall, we noticed one of her back legs was stiff... she's getting older so I just figured it was arthritis... but by the end of the day, her leg was swollen and she could hardly walk... earlier in the day I had made an appointment with our vet for the following day but I was worried I wouldn't be able to get her into the car by myself and Mike had to work... She also seemed to be pretty uncomfortable so I decided to take her to the emergency vet... Kayden went with me and Mike stayed home with the boys.

The vet ER gave her some pain meds and a sedative to make her comfortable and did a few x-rays... when the doctor started to explain the x-rays, I knew it wasn't going to be good. She pointed out a spot or 2 and explained that it looked like osteosarcoma, bone cancer... I asked her about the treatment and prognosis and she basically told me amputation was her best chance of survival but that they still needed to do blood work to confirm and more x-rays to determine if it had spread. She was very good about explaining what she recommended we do that night and what could wait...(translation: what was necessary for her immediate comfort and what would be much cheaper at our regular vet.)

When the doctor left to go get the meds we needed to get us through the night, I asked Kayden if she understood what was happening... she did not... so I explained as best I could that the doctor thought Bailey had cancer and that she would probably not be with us for very much longer... of course she started crying but I was able to keep it together and comfort her... a tech helped us get Bailey into the car and we took her home.

When we got her home, I told Mike what the vet had said and that I was still planning to take her to our vet the next day... I told him I was realistic and did not plan on spending any money to try to extend her life, but that I WAS willing to spend money to keep her as comfortable as possible for as long as possible... he agreed that was fine.

The next day while Kayden was in school, I took the boys to a sitter and took Bailey to our vet... while waiting for our turn, I Googled canine osteosarcoma... bad idea... very bad idea... I was in tears in the waiting area thinking I wasn't going to be able to keep her comfortable for as long as I had thought.

We get into the room and I hand our vet the disc with the x-rays and tell her what I had been told the night before... she examined Bailey and said she thought it was a bad reaction to an insect bite, not cancer... she went and reviewed the x-rays and did a couple more and still didn't see anything concerning... she asked me to show her what the ER vet said was osteosarcoma... when I pointed it out, she said, "That's arthritis!!!" She showed me the comparison x-rays she took and showed me examples of the bone cancer and arthritis... then she explained that emergency vets see serious stuff all the time but not a lot of run-of-the-mill stuff... "But not everything is a zebra... most of the time it's just a horse..."

So we treated Bailey for the insect bite, the infection that followed, and for the hole she bit in her leg before the infection was under control... Bone cancer that was really arthritis: random.... Insect bite: random... Infection: random.... Biting a hole in her leg: random...

During all this, we had been playing with her meds for her urinary incontinence because they didn't seem to be working anymore... and she developed this insatiable thirst... which coupled with incontinence gets complicated... So we had her tested for diabetes... tests were negative... but there is this rare form of diabetes called "insipidus"... Turns out that's what she had... the medication for that is some kind of eye drop... as if the idea of giving eye drops to an 80+lb Doberman isn't exciting enough, the drops were $50 per 1ml... yikes... and we weren't even sure it would work. But I felt like it was worth a shot... and they seemed to work so we went with it.

Then one Friday night, I let Bailey out to do her business in the back yard... she was walking kind of funny but, again, I just though "arthritis" and let her out back... but when I called her in 10 minutes later, she didn't come... very unusual for her... I went out to look for her in the yard and found her curled up on the ground on one side of the house... it took a little prompting but she got up and followed me toward the back door... but then she kept walking to the other side of the house and laid down again on the ground... it was harder to get her up the second time so when she did, I kept my hand on her collar and walked her into the house.  I walked her to her bed and helped her lay down on it... I knew it was bad and planned to take her in to the vet the next day... I also knew the way she was acting, I could very well wake to find her gone the next morning. We all sat around her bed and loved on her and took several pictures with her then went to bed. 

The next morning, she seemed to be feeling much better and wasn't acting as weak as she had the night before... I still wanted to take her in so I loaded her and Kayden (she just HAD to come) in the car. Our vet took some x-rays and found what appeared to be an intestinal blockage... not surprising since Bailey was known to eat socks... we chose to do exploratory surgery because it was the cheapest option and I really believed she had just eaten 1 too many socks and the vet could remove it. We loved on her and told her how much we loved her and good bye (because we knew there was a risk that she wouldn't wake up). We left so I could take Kayden to a play date and head home because the vet told me it would be a few hours and Bailey would need to stay the night to recover anyway.

But shortly after I got home, the vet called... it wasn't a sock... it was a tumor the size of a football attached to her kidney and growing through her abdominal cavity eating it's way toward her spine... there was no way to remove it without paralyzing her or her bleeding to death. The vet recommend we put her to sleep. I was 25 minutes away and I couldn't make it there in time to be with her... neither the vet nor I wanted her to wake up and be in pain be for we let her go... I wasn't even going to try to go but Mike urged me to go saying, "You want to see her...." knowing I planned to have her cremated and wouldn't ever see her again... so I went...

It was heartbreaking... she was my baby before I had babies... she was my best friend through a pregnancy, new motherhood, a divorce, 2 moves, a new marriage, and 2 more babies... And now she is gone.... I miss her every day...

And so life goes on... but she will always be remembered with love....

Rest in peace, Uptown Bailey Grace... You were a wonderful friend, companion, and mama to my babies... You can never be replaced....

Big Boys

I put both boys to bed the other night in new beds and rooms. Isaac moved into his new toddler bed in his new room and Zachary moved from a travel crib in our room into Isaac's old room and crib.

Both boys were asleep by 10pm and into their rooms/beds about 10:30... Zachary woke around 1:30am to nurse, as is his regular habit... but instead of just bringing him into our bed, I kept him in his new room and rocked him in the rocking chair... it was about 2:30am before I was able to get him back to sleep and back into his crib...

Isaac woke up about 3am, which isn't unusual but also not a regular thing... normally he would eat from the snack cup we leave in his bed and take a drink of water which is also left in his bed and lay back down and go back to sleep... but with the new found freedom of the toddler bed, he decided to come running into our room yelling about playing in his new big boy room and tried turning on a couple lights... we corralled him into our bed where he tossed and turned and chit chatted until a little after 4am... he finally dozed off about 4:15...

Mike had to be at work by 5:30 that morning... so the alarm went off at 4:20... waking up Isaac... so as Mike was getting ready for work, I decided to try letting Isaac watch an episode of Daniel Tiger in the hopes that it would help him doze back off... Mike left about 5am and Isaac started to doze off again about 5:15...

Zachary woke up at 5:30am which is again, normal for him... I brought him into the bed hoping he would nurse and fall back asleep like he usually does... Isaac, however decided it was time to play...

My alarm went off at 6:15... And I actually got up and went to work and functioned.... barely...

A Tumble

Well, it happened... Zachary rolled off the bed... Kayden did it, Isaac did it a few times, now poor Zachary has been initiated into the club... 

I wasn't even in the room... I was tending to Isaac who had woken for God only knows what reason...

Kayden's great grandma told me once that if a child didn't fall off the bed at least once before their 1st birthday, they wouldn't survive... 

I don't know if it really was an old wives tale or if she was just trying to make me feel better.... Regardless, it did...

She passed away recently... Her love & kindness will definitely be remembered & cherished... And missed...

And Zachary? He's fine, settled quickly & nursed back to sleep just fine... And according to Grandma Ramsey, he will survive...

Death By Sleep Deprivation

With the exception of 15 minutes in the car, no one napped yesterday... Consequently, everyone was asleep by 8:15... But with all the caffeine I consumed trying to make it through the day, it was a little after 10 before I was able to fall asleep...

The baby woke about midnight, which was a decent stretch for him... But for some reason, he didn't settle back down until almost 1am...

Just as he finally fell asleep, the toddler woke up... I learned he just might know how to climb out of his crib... I changed him, nursed him, read to him, rocked him... TWO HOURS LATER, he's still awake & the baby wakes up...

I turn on his TV & tell him it's brother's turn with mommy... I go to the baby...I hear the toddler fussing & watch him closely on the monitor to make sure he doesn't climb out of his crib... He complains for about 10 minutes then lays down & goes to sleep...

The commotion wakes Kayden who wants to chat... She rambles on about God only knows what... The baby is distracted by this & is difficult to feed & get back to sleep...

Finally everyone seems to be settled in & I glance at the clock... 4:15...

The baby wakes again at 6:30 because Kayden woke crying from a bad dream... She settles down quickly but insists she must tell me about the dream RIGHT THAT MINUTE because it's "falling out of [her] head..."

Just as the baby starts to settle again, the toddler starts to cry... It's 7:00...

Someone might just die today...

Best Made Plans...

After we learned we were expecting Isaac, The Hubs & I had a conversation about how we would handle it if Kayden ever called him "Dad"... Because that's what the baby would call him and we didn't know if she would want to start doing it too.... she already has a great dad who is very involved with her so we carefully planned how to correct her without hurting anyone's feelings.... Here we are two years later and it's never been an issue... He's always just been "Mike" to her.... However, now Isaac is calling him "Mike".... So much for that idea... ;)

Five Minute Excerpt #4

We get home after a long day at work & the sitter's... As I unload the baby seat from the car, he starts to cry... I get him inside & run back out to get the toddler... 

The 30 seconds it took to get back inside with the toddler was just too much for him & he is now in full fledged meltdown... I scoop him out of his car seat...

I run to let the dog out of her kennel & outside... I noticed this on the back patio & on the ground next to the patio:

I look up & see this:

(I'm not surprised since we had storms last night & I thought I heard glass break but I didn't see it this morning so I thought it might have been a dream...)

I put baby in his swing (out of toddler's reach) and he begins to cry again... then I run outside to pick up the glass so the dog/kids don't get hurt.... Toddler cries to come out... He's heartbroken because I won't let him until after the glass is cleaned up...

As I'm washing my hands after disposing of the glass, I see one of the barstools move away from the counter... The toddler starts to cry... I come around the counter & find this:

(Yes, that's blood.... I begin to wonder if he tried to eat the barstool & missed & bit his lip instead...)

I pick him up & wipe his face & mouth which has stopped bleeding as quickly as it had started.... The baby is still crying in the background...

I run to grab the baby & I find this:

Oh, holy hell!!! I forgot to strap him in!!!

I scoop him up & go to the couch to nurse... The toddler is still crying from his run-in with the barstool & crawls up to nurse as well....

Then something like this happens:

At 6:15pm... Which means that if I don't wake them up, they'll wake on their own right about the time I'm ready for bed... 

And I need to pee...

I roll the toddler off & he begins to cry again... I put the baby on his play mat & he wakes up & smiles... (At least HE's happy....)

Hubs is out of town for work for God only knows how long... Lord help me!

Just The Cow...

Isaac (20 months) has always favored my husband... He's been a Daddy's Boy from very early on... He's only preferred me when he is tired & wants to nurse....

Tonight, I was outside swinging him on the swing set, enjoying some rare one-on-one time with my "poor" middle child....

Isaac: Daddy?

Me: I'm Mommy... (I sing the ABCs)

Isaac: Daddy?

Me: I'm Mommy, Daddy's inside... (I sing Old McDonald)

Isaac: Daddy?

Me: It's Mommy & Isaac time now... (I say a nursery rhyme or 2)

This continues for about 15 minutes... Isaac then started to CRY FOR DADDY!!!! 

Seriously, kid?!?

I guess I am just the cow...

Five Minute Excerpt: Third Edition

I strip the baby & change his diaper... I rub him down with oil... I hear the toddler sneeze...

I run to grab the toddler & wash his face because he has snot all over his face & hands & he's headed toward the couch.... 

I return to the baby to dress him & realize his fresh diaper is already wet.... I change his diaper & dress him....

I grab the toddler & quickly change his diaper.... I hear the baby grunt, then fill his diaper...

I return to the baby for his 3rd diaper in less than 10 minutes....

(Disclaimer: This actually took about 10 minutes from start to finish ;)

A Father's Love

We've had a rainy few days in our area with it becoming severe, even tornadic, this evening. 

Hubs has made a huge effort to play with Isaac outside pretty much every day since the weather has been fairly nice... So Isaac was not too happy when, after asking all day to go out, Daddy kept telling him no... He's just too young to understand it wasn't safe.

But, later in the evening, during a break in the rain & lightning, this happened:

Now, that's love, right there!

This got me to thinking about God's love for us... A Father's love. There are many times in our lives we ask for things... Sometimes the answer is "yes"... Sometimes it's "no"... Sometimes it's "later"... 

We may not always understand God's plan or His timing... But we must try to remember He loves His children and wants the best for us, even when we don't understand His plan...

Five Minute Excerpt Of My Day (Take 2)

Baby is laying on his play mat crying... I pick him up, sit down, and start to nurse....

Toddler has discovered the hidden art supply cabinet & pulls out an empty Kleenex box full of crayons...

I pop baby off and lay him back down to get toddler set up with crayons... 

As I put the crayons & coloring book on the table, toddler runs to "love" on baby... This includes laying on top of him & poking him in the eye...

I redirect toddler to the table to color....  I go back to the baby, now crying again...

Just as I sit down to nurse, toddler dumps entire box of crayons on the table, chair, & floor....

With baby still attached, I return to the toddler to pick up crayons off the floor... He is simultaneously wiping crayons off the table onto the chair and kicking them to the floor...

After all crayons are returned to the box, I again attempt to sit down to continue nursing... I notice the dog has gotten sick on the floor....

I pop baby off and set him in the swing & clean up the dog's mess....

Just as the mess has been cleaned & disposed of, I hear the crayons being dumped onto the table/chair/floor & the baby starts crying again....

Cue the circus music....

5 Minute Excerpt Of My Morning

I'm changing the toddler on the floor... He takes off one of my shoes... Baby starts crying.... I finish changing the toddler & the baby stops crying so I nurse the toddler since he's been asking for milk all morning... Baby starts crying again so I pop the toddler off & get off the floor... I scoop the baby up & my 6-year-old asks me to cut up an apple for her....

I'm standing in my kitchen holding a crying baby with my boob hanging out & I'm missing a shoe.... 

 

And I'm cutting up an apple....

Baby Watch 2014

September 2014

My Status as of my apt today:

Bad news: -2/-3 station, posterior cervix

Good news: dilated a finger tip, 30% effaced... Both better than when I was induced w Kayden....

I'm 38/2 measuring 39 weeks, which is how Kayden was, too, so that doesn't concern me....

Dr is tentatively scheduling me for induction next Wednesday.... He said it was just to have the spot if he felt it was needed after he checks me next Tuesday.... He also made it a point to tell me that it was still my choice & I still have to show up & agree to it.... Nurse said it's also possible that the unit could cancel me if they are busy.... 

He plans to use a balloon to open the cervix & sweep my membranes hoping I won't need pit.... If I'm not on pit, I can labor in the tub if I choose.... if I need pit, I'm stuck near the bed....

I have been to the chiro 2x & have another apt on Thursday... Adjust/Acupuncture...

I have Jasmine EO & have been sniffing it several times a day... Pelvic tilts, squats & walking, too.... Raspberry leaf tea by the liters... 

My thoughts/feelings: I really don't want to be induced until baby has dropped, but I also trust my OB's judgement in advising me as to the best course to get my VBAC....

Wrench: he's going to be in out of town next Thursday/Friday/returning Saturday (for Rosh Hashanah) leaving me at the mercy of whoever might be on call if I go into labor while he's gone...

So, suggestions, prayers, advice would be greatly appreciated....

Perks

Gestational diabetes has it's perks... I got another ultrasound so I got to see The Bean again:

Big Girl

Kayden started Kindergarden this morning... She did great, but Mommy got emotional ;)

Family Funnies

The other night, while showering, I felt a small bump on the bottom of my belly, past the point where I can see.  I looked at it in a mirror when I got out and it looked like a small tic... Frantic, I yelled for Mike to come take a closer look... He had me lay back on the bed so he could see the spot in better light... While he was looking really close, The Bean kicked... HARD... startling Mike and making him jump about 10 feet in the air and let some interesting vocab escape his mouth.... And that was what set off my laughing jag for the evening... ;-)

(It wasn't a tic, thank God!)

*****

Over the weekend, Kayden happened upon Mike and me while he was giving me a hug:

Kayden: I want in!

(Kayden proceeds to try to wedge herself between us while Mike does his best to keep her out and I try not to laugh at her plight...)

Finally, Mike lets go and steps back, and she gives me a hug... she then turns her back to me and opens her arms for Mike to hug her between us.

Mike: It's a sandwich!

Kayden: Yeah, and I'm the ham!

And yet another giggle fest for Mama... ;-)

*****

I'm large... very large... I am past the weight I was when I went to the hospital to deliver Kayden... and I have 10 weeks to go.... I actually split one of my 2 pairs of maternity dress pants today.... Had to break out the sewing machine to fix them....

This pregnancy has been much tougher on me than Kayden was... I can tell I'm older but I'm trying my hardest to enjoy it...

30 weeks as of yesterday....

Evolution of a Shiner

(So I got a text Sunday morning from Kayden's dad.... She was with him for the weekend: 

"We had a little accident last night... Ball took a bad bounce & caught Kayden in the face..."

(Aprox 14-16 hours post injury; slight swelling/bruising to the right side of her nose/eye...)

I texted back asking if she was in pain & he said no... Not surprised... She hardly cried when she fractured her foot at just over 2 years of age....

Monday morning, my mom sends me this picture:

(Aprox 36-40 hours post injury; more swelling/more discolored... I still haven't seen her in person yet...)

I again asked if she was in pain... Nope...

I meet my mom with Kayden Monday evening at Tae Kwon Do... It's the first time I've seen her since the injury...

(Aprox 48 hours post injury...)

Now I know I'm hormonal, but I seriously had to fight back tears... Still no pain complaints.... Her first real look at herself was at TKD in their wall mirror... "I look like a monster..." Said with a smirk....

I showed one of the docs at my office & he said he wanted to see her in a few days after the swelling went down so we have an appointment this Friday afternoon....

Her dad feels horrible... We both know it was an accident but that doesn't make it any easier to look at....

Today is Tuesday:

(A bit swollen from sleep....)

And we have her kindergarten readiness testing on Wednesday.... Hope the teacher isn't too horrified...

**********

In other news, I'm 21 weeks... I feel pretty good but I can already tell this is going to be a long, hot summer.... Which is better than the sub-zero arctic weather we had this last winter... ;)

The Bean on the Screen

As far as Kayden knows, babies come from mommy's bellies. God puts them there to grow. She also knows she came out of my belly through a cut. (She's seen the scar.)

I should have known that I wouldn't be able to keep things that simple & innocent. She is too smart & asks too many questions. I wasn't prepared for the conversation that took place in the car yesterday afternoon. I totally had to wing it....

Mommy: I have an appointment tomorrow with a doctor... We are going to see a picture of The Bean on a TV screen... Do you want to come with us to see The Bean on the screen?

Kayden: I want to come!!! (Thinks for a moment...) Is it at YOUR doctors' office?

M: No, it's another kind if doctor... This doctor is Mommy's doctor while The Bean is in my tummy...

K: Oh... (Concerned) I don't want you to get another cut....

M: Mommy doesn't want another cut either... That's why I'm going to this doctor, so I don't have to have another cut...

K: Then how will The Bean get out?

M: (Draws complete blank... Is quiet for way too long trying to think how to explain this in a way she understands without freaking her out...)

K: Mommy! How is The Bean going to get out of your belly?!?!

M: Um, well, it comes out of my miss-miss (what she calls her girl parts... Not sure where she learned the term but I just went with it...)

K: (Laughs like I just told her the funniest joke ever!) Your miss-miss?!?! (Laughs even harder making Mommy laugh, too...)

M: (Think! Think! How do I steer this in a different direction?!?) How do YOU think The Bean should come out?

K: Through your mouth! (Still laughing...)

M: You think my mouth is big enough? (Laughing harder...)

K: Bigger than your miss-miss... (Good point, kid...) (Still laughing...) 

M: (Lord, PLEASE make this stop) 

K: How about your neck? Or your ear? (Still laughing...) Or your bottom!!!!

M: Well, it is kinda like pooping... (Giggle...)

K: POOPING!!!! (Laughing so hard I'm concerned she might potty herself...)

(At this point we are both laughing so hard neither of us can speak... I'm struggling to drive & am about to pull over.....)

Finally we get a hold of ourselves...

K: Yes, I want to see The Bean on the screen.... (Goes back to the book on her iPod...)

M: (Whew!!! Glad that's over...)

**********

Today we had the sonogram and everything looks perfectly normal... 

We did have to wait 3 hours, though... Doc was called to a delivery... But I was patient, knowing that he delivers all his own patients... Which means he'll be there for me when my time comes....

Kayden did great! She was restless but really well behaved considering there were 3 other little girls in the waiting room who she REALLY wanted to play with... I wouldn't let her, which proved a smart decision when one of the nurses reprimanded them for being too loud & disruptive (which they really were)....

We finally got to see Doc & I seriously like him more & more each time I see him... I really had to prep myself to choose him at all.... I'm not a fan of the only hospital he delivers in & I don't do male OB/GYNs.... But I knew he was my best bet for a VBAC & I REALLY do NOT want another C/S....

**********

19 weeks +

Peek-a-boo....

18 Months Missing

My mother pointed out that there really wasn't an introduction of my husband... so for those readers who don't actually know me personally (not sure why you're here, but welcome!), here is a synopsis of the last 18 months:

I completed my first half marathon in October 2012... my goal was 3 hours... I did it in 3:15... I'm not disappointed with that...

I got engaged to Mike in December 2012... On my Nani's birthday, December 19th, to be exact... he was sweet and nervous and romantic...

We got married on January 26th, 2013... it was a small wedding with only family and VERY close friends... 

We honeymooned on a 7 day Western Caribbean cruise... it was a great time but it was the longest I had ever been away from Kayden, so I was ready to come home...

We bought a house in June 2013... it was a very stressful, yet exciting endeavor...

(HA! But seriously, I can't find a pic of our actual house right now, so the doll house is what ya get...)
In August, I finally got hired on at an ENT practice I had been secretly stalking for several years... It's close to home and my fellow employees are great!

Fall 2013 was blissfully uneventful... except for Kayden being introduced to roller skating, with which she is now obsessed... Oh, and she started taking Tae Kwon Do...

We had a great Christmas... New Year's Eve was spent apart for the 2nd year in a row due to Mike's job.... Kayden & I had our own mini celebration at the house...

We celebrated our 1st anniversary with a weekend in St. Louis...

We learned we were expecting "The Bean" the week before our anniversary... we waited to share the news until we had a confirmed heartbeat... I'm older so the risks are higher... Kayden is super excited to be a big sister...

The late winter/early spring of 2014 has been fairly quiet... Kayden got her first pair of new skates and is so excited she could burst...

And that brings us up to today... Happy, Mom? ;-)

**********
15 weeks today...

Where's The Bean?

So, if you don't already know, Kayden is going to be a big sister. When we told her, she was sweet and inquizative... She asked how I knew there was a baby in my tummy... Then, when it was coming out...

We've been calling the baby "The Bean" for lack of something better... We don't plan to find out what the gender is, so, until a better nickname catches our fancy, "The Bean" it is.... 

In an attempt to make her more independent prior to "The Bean's" arrival, I've been encouraging Kayden do things I know she knows how to do with little or no help: dress herself, put on her shoes and socks, comb her hair, brush her teeth, etc. She would rather have Mommy help her do most of it but she's going to have to learn to do it all sooner or later... May as well be sooner... 

The other day, I was sitting on the couch. I had asked her to get her shoes on so we could leave the house... She plopped down on the floor in front of me asking me to put her shoes on for her... I made the excuse that "The Bean" was in my way & I couldn't bend over to reach her... It worked, shoes were applied, we exited the house on time to get where ever we needed to be....

Tonight, she was sitting at the table eating her dinner while I was straightening up the kitchen.... I bent over from a standing position to pick up something off the floor... Out of the blue, Kayden, clearly hesitant, yet concerned, asks, "Did The Bean come out or something?" 

Huh?!?!

"I thought you couldn't bend to reach the floor..."

I can't get anything past this kid....