My Child Is Gross & A Milestone

I can handle the dirty diapers and the spit-up but my adorable little daughter did the most disgusting thing ever the other day...



It is not uncommon for her to burp while nursing. She will pause her sucking and burp without even breaking her seal and letting go of my breast, then start sucking again...



The other day, though, she paused like she was going to burp... then proceeded to spit-up with out letting go, then continued feeding like nothing had happened while milk came running out of her nose, down my exposed breast, and onto my bra and undershirt...



SO GROSS!!!

********************



On October 19th, she rolled from front to back for the first time... I put her on the bathroom rug for some tummy time while I was getting ready for bed... I stepped out of the room for a moment to grab my pjs and when I returned she was on her back... I missed the whole thing :-(

The Road To Induction...

In addition to the 2 hour stay at the hospital in mid August (see the "Avoiding Bedrest" post), I spent a couple hours there in early September and then again a week or so after that due to my blood pressure (BP)...

The second stay was much like the first with my OB increasing my meds and things leveling out again. Then on Saturday September 12, things got complicated...

I had a couple of things going on that day: a 12 hour scrapbooking crop at my church and a good friend's baby shower... I went to the crop for a little bit them headed to the shower... I felt fine...

When I got back to the crop, my feet were pretty swollen and my BP was a bit elevated but nothing too horrible so I worked on a project that would be my gift to my husband for his birthday... when I was done, I checked my BP again and it had gone up. There is an area at the church that has nice leather couches so I went to lay down for a while. When I woke an hour later, by BP had actually gone up so I decided it was time to head home and rest...

On my way home, I decided to just go straight to the hospital... the last 2 times I had gone in, it had been at night when there was no one there I knew and the desk folks were kinda dumb... it was about 5pm so I figured I would go in, have nurses there I knew, and be home by 8 or 9 after everything came back normal just like it had the previous 2 times...

When I walked in, the looks on the nurses' faces kinda worried me... they said I was really puffy and immediately took my BP... 193/110... normal is 120s to 130s/70s to 80s... they put me in a room and told me they didn't think I would be going anywhere anytime soon. They brought in a box I had never seen before and set it near the sink, then proceeded to start an IV... not something I had ever had them do before so I knew it was bad. I found out later it was precautions they use when one is at risk for seizures... nice...

My blood work and urine tests came back normal just like before but they wanted me to do a 24 hour urine collection again... and because my BP was so high, they wanted me to stay to have it collected... so I called my husband to tell him what to bring me for what I thought would be just a one-night stay.

I was there until Monday morning.

The on-call OB told me the 24 hour urine came back normal but since it was so late (9pm Sunday night) that they wanted me to stay one more night, have my OB talk to me on Monday morning, and play it by ear from there. Now, my OB trusts me and my judgement so I figured I would be headed home on Monday with more meds and an order to decrease my hours at work.

When my OB called late Monday morning, she told me the 24 hour urine had actually come back at mild pre-eclampsic levels and she wanted to induce. I asked her if we could just increase my meds and wait until later in the week, knowing that my BP would go down once I was home, in my own bed, cuddling with Bailey. She was not real pleased with that and wanted to know why I wanted to prolong the inevitable... I told her we had another family member who was having an elective c-section on Tuesday and my mom was going to be with her and neither my husband nor I wanted to have our kids sharing birthdays... My OB said she was fine waiting until Wednesday to induce but wanted me to stay at the hospital until then... I begged her to let me go home... I told her I really needed to sleep in my own bed and I missed my dog... luckily she is a dog person, too, said I could go as long as I would agree to come back to start the induction process on Tuesday evening.

So home I went to relax in my bed with my dog while my mom and baby brother unloaded the scrapbooking stuff from my car and packed my bag for the hospital...

Introducing....

Kayden Kaetana
9/17/2009
7 lbs 4 1/4 oz
19 1/2 inches

Pay Back's A Bitch

A few years ago, I discussed my future children with a good friend of mine... I told her flat out that my husband and I wanted boys... we had no desire to have a girl...

My friend has 2 girls so of course she was mildly offended and said girls were great.

Me: Your girls are great... but can you imagine another me running around?

Friend: You're right... you need boys...

I am not an easy person to live with. I am picky, moody, and quirky. I like things how I like them and I do not easily compromise...

I was also a difficult child... I was high maintenance despite being a tom-boy. And some of the tom-boy has stayed with me... I am not at all a fan of pastels and I most certainly do NOT do pink.

My husband is stubborn and hot tempered...

A girl with a combination of these characteristics was sure to be a handful...

Now, my husband was (and still is) a ladies' man... he was a bit of a playboy in high school and the years following... his friends were real surprised when they found out he was getting married... I heard on many occasions "so you're the one who got him to settle down" and "I can't believe you got him to settle down" and other such things... funny since he was the one who pushed to get married when we did...

And our proof that God has a sense of humor: It's a girl...

Attachment Part 2

Corrina was born at 27 weeks and had parents who never came to visit her in the NICU. The nurses took turns holding her but they could really only spend a few minutes at a time with her... So when they realized I could bend my schedule around so I could be available for 2-3 hours 2 days a week, they jumped on me to hold her on a regular basis.

The first time I held her, she was about 34 weeks. It felt like I was holding a 2 liter bottle of soda. She was stiff and didn't cuddle into me like most babies do... it was very strange... but within a month, she would melt into me whenever I held her. When I would walk into her room, I would sing "Corrina Bella" and she would look around expectantly. While she was being fed through a tube, I would sing and rock her and read to her and then hold her as she fell asleep. Then we would cuddle for a while before I put her down and went back to work.

As she got older, her parents still didn't visit and the nurses said they thought they might put her up for adoption... culturally, she would not be accepted well... she was in congestive heart failure, on oxygen, and would probably need permanent feeding and breathing tubes inserted before she was allowed to go home. The nurses knew the mom cared about her but was not allowed by dad to visit more than once or twice a month... He didn't allow mom to do anything that took time away from their 2 year old son...

That's when I decided to tell my husband about her...

Me: Well, I am in love...

Hubby: Really?

Me: Her name is Corrina...

H: REALLY?!?!?

Me: She is 3 months old...

H: (looking a bit disappointed but still interested) Tell me about her...

So I did... and then I asked him if he would be willing to be a foster parent if the parents decided to give her up...

I knew he would say no... I thought his reasons would be along the lines of "I am not raising someone else's kid" or "I don't want a kid that doesn't look like us"... I was shocked when he said "No... I don't think our marriage is strong enough for that yet..." My husband, the perpetual 12-year-old, went on to explain how he knew a few families who had taken in a foster child and now they were separated or already divorced... he was actually discussing it like a grown up... I was so proud... disappointed, but proud...

Corrina eventually was transferred to another hospital for longer term care... I didn't get a chance to say goodbye and I was really torn up about it for quite a while... I sent her a card on her first birthday with a note to her mom and a copy of the one picture I had of me holding her... I asked mom to send an updated picture to the NICU so we could see how she was growing and changing... we never heard from them...

Last summer, mom had another little boy... from what I have heard through the grape vine, Corrina finally went home but was treated like the invisible child... very sad...

I still think about her a lot... at least once a week if not more... I miss her... I miss the love she should have shared with our family... and the little girl she had the potential to become... it makes me so sad to think of her being neglected and ignored except for basic care...

When my co-worker said her name aloud to me, it was like re-opening a freshly treated wound... but knowing how much I loved that little girl, even though she wasn't my own, shows me how much I am sure to love the Spider Baby...

********************

37 weeks today... I am officially full term... if I was to go into labor, they would not try to stop it.... but let's hope we can hold off til October 1st so I can be out through New Year's :-)

Attachment Part 1

After we got the 3D ultrasound, I carried the pics around with me a lot... mostly to share with others but also to gaze at myself occasionally.

It is still so surreal... I am going to be a mom. There is a baby inside me. I can feel the movement several times a day but it still is so beyond belief that it is not real to me yet. The nursery is done with the exception of the rocker my mom is reupholstering for me, I have completed all my child birth classes, the car seat is ready to be installed and the stroller is already in my trunk... but it still doesn't seem real to me yet...

So when a coworker asked me if I was in love when I showed her the 3D pics, I felt guilty when my response was "I don't even know the kid yet." I mean, I care about Spider Child and I care what happens to him/her but how can I say that I love someone when I don't even know them?

I guess when I think about it, I do love the kid... but its like how you love your siblings when you are growing up or how you love your parents during your teen years... you love them because you have to, not because you really feel the emotion.

I guess the coworker sensed my guilt because she reminded me of a baby I fell in love with a few years ago... she said "You will be fine... think of how much you loved Corrina..."

Yeah, I will be just fine... :-)

God and Dog

Love this!!!!

http://www.irememberlove.com/video/god-and-dog-by-wj-francisco